mamajoan

Each school day, I'm supposed to provide each child with a snack. They have designated snack time during the school day, and I don't know about anyone else's kids but mine definitely need a snack to keep them going. (They also get an afternoon snack at afterschool, which is provided by the afterschool organization.) When Isaac was in first and second grades, the system was that each kid/family had to provide snack for the whole class once a month; I later learned that this was a quirk of that particular teacher (whom Isaac had for two years because that's how it works at our school), and in most of the rest of the school, each kid is just supposed to bring his/her own snack each day.

So every day I pack a snack, and it's not terribly onerous because, on the Venn diagram of things my kids are willing to eat / things I consider acceptable / things that are allowed at school (i.e., containing no nut ingredients) / things we usually have on hand, the intersection is pretty small. Of course, it isn't too surprising that my kids sometimes complain/observe that other kids' parents send junkier snacks than I do -- some kids apparently get Oreos or what have you; I only do something junky once in a while, usually when I run out of healthier snacks and am in a pinch. ;) Mind you, my "healthy" snacks are still borderline junky in most cases; I'm talking e.g. a Nutrigrain bar, a packet of those bright orange crackers with cheesy filling, or chewy fruit snacks -- I buy Clif Kids brand fruit twists, because the ingredients are basically just fruit (no added sugar), but admittedly they still taste very sweet.

Ruthie reports quite frequently that she shared her snack with friends/classmates. In particular, she often shares with her best friend (who shares with her too), and she also often shares with another child, who, from what she says, rarely has a snack of his own. It's always "I shared my snack with so-and-so because he didn't have anything." This kid is from a family that has three kids at the school -- in first, second, and third grades -- and they are, let's say, not wealthy. On one occasion I was helping Ruthie pack up her backpack at the end of the day, and a fruit twist fell out, and the boy happened to be there and said "Can I have it? I love those things," and I said, which I always tell Ruthie to say but I doubt she does, "you should ask your mom to buy you some." And he replied, "oh, she doesn't have any money." Now, I hesitate to read too much into this, because I can easily envision Ruthie saying the same thing, parroting back something that I might have said -- "no, I'm not buying that, it's too expensive" / "I'm not paying my money for that" / "I don't have the money for that." These particular fruit twists can be hard to find; they aren't in any stores around here except Whole Foods, and not even all of the WF stores in this area carry them (I buy them on Amazon) so I can easily imagine a busy mom saying no, especially if her kid comes home with only a vague description of the item, and it isn't something she's familiar with. Is she going to go hunt down what it is and where to get it based on "I want the snack that some other kid always has"? Probably not.

Still, my impression is that the statement was close to true; like I said, as far as I can tell, the family doesn't have much money to spare. And while I also don't put a ton of faith in Ruthie's claim that this kid "never" has snack, or that she shared with him on any given day because "he didn't have a snack" (maybe he had one but liked Ruthie's better, etc.), nevertheless it's potentially possible that he sometimes doesn't have a snack because of finances.

So I have mixed feelings about all of this. Among my first reactions is annoyance/resentment, as in, "it's not my job to provide snack for someone else's kid" / "if everyone wants to share my kid's snack then she won't get any herself" (Ruthie often describes breaking off pieces of the fruit twist to share around) / "parents who send in junky snacks make it harder for all of us." Of course, then I also feel guilt/sympathy about the kid with no snack. And I feel pleased/proud that Ruthie likes to share -- albeit I know that she mostly does it for the attention, not purely out of altruism, but still. I want to encourage that.

My solution in this particular moment was to buy a big box of those Nature Valley crunchy granola bars and give it to the teacher, as a donation for her to keep around for any occasion when a kid doesn't have a snack. She was very appreciative, and I feel better. Now I can tell Ruthie that if her friends pester her to share her snack, she can direct them to the teacher. Of course it still doesn't solve the "what someone else has is more attractive than what I have" problem, but since Ruthie generally likes her snack, and *ahem* isn't shy about expressing herself ;) , I'm not too worried about that. I still worry a little that she may feel pressured to share, but there isn't much I can do about that except talk to her about it and make sure she knows it isn't her job to feed everyone ;) and then trust in her natural assertiveness.

Sometimes this stuff can really feel like a minefield.

We're almost two months into the school year and it's going swimmingly so far!

( all the exciting details )