mamajoan

Isaac and his friend Ben have gotten into a lengthy game of sorts over the exchange of birthday presents. It is pretty funny.

It all started back in June when Isaac had a weekday-evening birthday celebration at the movie theater. Several of his friends didn't give him gifts because they forgot to bring them, or their parents didn't want them bringing the gift to school for fear it would get lost or damaged, etc. So the gifts trickled in over the next few weeks. I honestly lost track of who had and hadn't given Isaac a gift yet, and I think eventually he did too.

Then the new school year started, and one day I bumped into Ben's mom, who said something like "by the way, Ben keeps forgetting to give Isaac his gift, but we do have it for him." So I mentioned this to Isaac and told him that he should ask Ben about it. Isaac said, "but isn't it rude to ask someone for a present?" which made me think that I must be doing *something* right with this whole parenting thing. ♥ But I said I thought it was okay given the context.

So, a couple of days later, Isaac tells me that "Ben says that his mom gave you the present." I was like, uhh no she didn't. The next day, again, "Ben says that his mom really swears she gave it to you." At some point I was at the school and Ben actually came up to me himself and said the same thing -- that his mom had given the gift to me. I was quite sure she hadn't. Completely sure. 100% sure...but...well...wait a minute! What if she actually HAD given it to me and I tucked it into my purse and forgot about it? I was so confused.

And then a few days later Isaac announced that Ben had finally given him the present. WTF! So I was relieved that I hadn't had a total brain-fart, LOL.

Over the next few weeks Isaac kept telling me that Ben was still giving him crap about the present. Apparently Ben would come up to him and say stuff like "my mom says she gave your present to some random guy on the street who said he knew your grandma...." LOL

So when it came time for Ben's birthday party, Isaac knew exactly what he wanted to do. He got a card and wrote on it, "Dear Ben, my mom gave your present to your mom, Happy Birthday from Isaac." I had the present (tokens for the comic-book store) and gave it to Ben's mom, instructing her to pretend she didn't have it. She was confused -- apparently Ben hadn't told her about all this -- but agreed to go along.

A few days later I was at the school again and Isaac and Ben were together, and Isaac said "hey mom, Ben still hasn't gotten his present," and I said innocently "oh really? But I gave it to your dad and he put it in his pocket." Ben's dad hadn't heard any of my conversation with the mom, so I figured that would muddy the waters nicely. ;)

Last night, Isaac told me that Ben's mom must have finally decided to cough up the present, because apparently Ben came to school and said to Isaac, "so I was eating breakfast this morning and a portal opened up and some Comicazi gift tokens fell out." And Isaac concocted this whole story about his four-months-from-now self having built a time machine to come back in time and give Ben the present. Hilarious!

I love that Isaac and his friends are developing their own little in-jokes and pranks to play on each other. So fun. Can't wait to see what will happen on Isaac's next birthday. ;)

A few recent kid funnies on the eve of the new school year...

1. We had a(nother) chat about reproduction, puberty, etc., and in trying to explain genetics, I said, "you know what genes are, right? Not the things people wear on their legs."
Isaac: "Yeah. The guy in the teapot."
Me: "...whaa...??"
Isaac: "The guy in the teapot!"
Ruthie: "You know, the magical smoke guy!"
Me: "Ohhhhh! No, that's a genie!"

2. The kids came to my office today and at one point Ruthie started climbing the walls...literally.
Me: "Ruthie, please get down. There's no climbing at the office."
Ruthie: "What?! Why does your boss hate climbing??"
Me: "I'm sure he doesn't, but it isn't something people do at the office. It isn't allowed."
Ruthie: "That's crazy. There should be climbing kids everywhere! EV...RY...WHERE. Everywhere you look there should be a kid climbing!"

3. Walking home, Isaac took off his shoe because it was rubbing on a blister on his foot. I cautioned him to look carefully at the sidewalk while he was walking barefoot.
Ruthie: "Why?"
Me: "Because there could be all kinds of sharp things that you might accidentally step on. Not just pieces of glass, but little rocks..."
Ruthie: "Like, what if two ants were having a sword-fight?"
Me: "Exactly! And if you stepped on them, number one it would hurt your foot, and number two, you just killed those ants, NNNNNOOOOOOO!"
Ruthie: "Yeah, that wouldn't be good."

The other night Ruthie looked up at the night sky and said in her imperious way, "Take me to the moon!"
Me: "I can't, honey. I don't have a spaceship."
Ruthie: "Well, then take me to the spaceship station!"

Maybe we should take our next plane ride to Florida and see a space shuttle launch. :) Those of you who remember all the drama around Ruthie's conception will understand why that idea is so funny. ;)

After the above exchange, I attempted to explain that only certain specially-trained people are allowed to go to the moon, and those people are called astronauts. Ruthie had told me, earlier that day, that she wanted to be an artist when she grows up. (Me: "What kind of artist?" Ruthie in her best my-mom-is-dumb voice: "An artist that draws, Mama.") So, upon learning that only astronauts go to the moon, she said, "Mama, I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up. And an artist."

Okay then. :)

Ruthie got a haircut a couple weeks ago. This was a big deal: her first haircut ever, at the age of 4! She had been agitating for it for a while, and I decided the time was right. Everyone loooved her gorgeous long curly hair, but it was such a freaking pain to manage. It tangled like crazy and she hated having it combed out. Even bribing with lollipops to get her to sit still had stopped working. I think we were just both tired of it.

So we went and got her a nice short "pageboy"(?) cut. It is so cute. She's getting lots of compliments on it. And the funny thing is, it didn't take me any time at all to get used to her new look. I think that goes to show that it was the right thing.

If you're my friend on Facebook you can go see the pictures there...otherwise, well, I'll get around to posting them here eventually. Maybe.

***

Recently we went to "Family Math Night" at Isaac's school. His teacher is one of the main organizers of the event and it's always a lot of fun. They have all kinds of math-related games and activities. In the gym they had set up bowling, and the gym teacher was keeping a list of names of kids who wanted a turn. Ruthie marched right up to her and announced, "I want to bowl!" The gym teacher looked at her and said, "You must be Isaac's sister!" I thought that was funny. I never thought them to sound very similar but the gym teacher swears they sound exactly alike. (That was before the haircut; but I've noticed that since we cut Ruthie's hair I'm noticing the similarities between her and Isaac a lot more.)

Also at Family Math Night, Ruthie won a prize! They had one of those things where you guess how many items are in a jar. They had about a dozen jars, of different sizes, with different items in them - pretzels, popcorn, golf balls. Ruthie was just enjoying writing her name and random numbers on the papers, but somehow she managed to get the closest guess on one of the jars of popcorn. The prize was -- she got to keep the jar with the popcorn in it! She was thrilled to eat the popcorn she had won. ;)

***

Ruthie has become a fan of Carmina Burana. If you aren't familiar with it, it's a piece of choral and orchestral music by Karl Orff. It's a bunch of songs about secular life, focusing heavily on themes of how fickle fate is and how much fun it is to get drunk and have sex. Orff wrote the music in 1935, but the text is from Latin poems from the 12th century.

Anyway, Ruthie is particularly fond of one passage that goes "Oh, oh, oh, totus floreo, iam amore virginale totus ardeo, novus amor est quo pereo." This translates loosely to "Oh, oh, oh, I am bursting into flower, I am all aflame with my first love, a new love it is from which I am dying." If you think that's probably fairly raunchy, you're getting the idea. So it makes me snicker in a most inappropriate way to hear Ruthie running around singing it. ;) She has trouble with a lot of the Latin words, of course, so tonight she was making up her own words. It went "Oh, oh, oh, no pajamas no..." ;)

***

Every night at bedtime I kiss Ruthie's cheek, which sometimes requires me to first say "Give me a cheek!" if she is pushing her face into the pillows. The other night she moved her head as I was going to kiss her, and I ended up kissing her chin instead.

Me: Okay, I kissed the cheek.
Ruthie: That's not my cheek, that's my chin!
Me: Oh, okay, well here (kisses her nose) There's a kiss for your cheek.
Ruthie: That's not my cheek, that's my nose!
Me: Oh, really? Hmm, well let me try again, here we go - (kisses her forehead)
Ruthie: (amid hysterical giggles) That's not my cheek, that's my forehead!
Me: What? Are you sure? Okay, well this time I'm really going to kiss your cheek. (kisses her ear)
Ruthie: That's not my cheek, that's my thinking cap!

***

Ruthie yelling from the bathroom: "It's 6:30!"
Me, noting that it is actually 7:10: "Okay, if you say so."
Ruthie: "I'm pooping!"
Me: "Okay."
Ruthie: "That's what my watch says!"
Me: "Your watch told you to poop?"
Ruthie: "No! It says 6:30!"

***

Stay tuned for my Isaac update coming soon... :)

Ruthie had put her doll Baby Betty and her toy dog together in her toy shopping cart. Then she put them both in a cardboard box and covered them with a dishtowel.

Ruthie: Baby Betty is the sister, and Dog is the brother.
Me: Oh, and who's the mama?
Ruthie: They don't have a mama, they only have a dad.
Me: Okay, well who's the dad?
Ruthie: Poppy!
Me: Who's Poppy?
Ruthie: Poppy is the dad!
Me: But...Poppy who?
Ruthie: BIG poppy!
Me: Big Papi is the dad?!
Ruthie: Yeah, Big Papi is their dad!

rotfl! (I guess this is funnier if you know that Big Papi is David Ortiz, a very popular Red Sox baseball player.)

Incidentally, recently my mom found some old dollhouse people from my childhood, and Ruthie took a major shine to one of the toy babies and, oddly enough, the toy dad. She insisted on taking them home, and plays with them a lot. It's fascinating to me! -- we do know one single-dad family, but we haven't seen them in months and I don't think it really registered for Ruthie that theirs is a family without a mom; yet she never role-plays single-mom families...go figure.

Sorry to be spamming your flist today! Lots to catch up on.

The trouble with the age Ruthie is at, is that if you don't post about "the new cute thing she's doing" in timely fashion, then by the time you get to it a couple days later she's not doing it any more. But I have to post about this anyway because it was so cute for the few days it lasted.

Ruthie went through a phase last week where almost everything she said was prefaced by "I take my binky out and I say...." (binky = pacifier and I hope I've posted here about how she bizarrely decided to take up pacifier use all of a sudden at the age of two-plus. Mostly I'm going with it and hoping it passes quickly.)

Largely this would occur at those times, which are many these days, when she is expressing herself nonverbally and I'm trying to urge her to use words. For example:

Ruthie: (yanking up my shirt)
Me: Ruthie, what would you like to say?
Ruthie: I take my binky out 'n I say, Nursie peez!

or
Ruthie: (whining and fussing while trying to get the box of Cheerios off the shelf)
Me: Ruthie, could you please use some words?
Ruthie: I take my binky out, I say, peez have some Cheerios peez!

By the second day, she had started slurring/eliding the whole thing down to something like "taymybeeoutsay". LOL.

The funniest part is that in 99% of these instances, she did not actually have her binky in her mouth!

We did also have one evening last week when she threw major fits over being asked to use words -- twice! The first time, she wanted to take her sock off and was having trouble with it, so I said, "If you want help taking your sock off, you just have to say 'please help me with my sock.'" This precipitated a lengthy session of screaming, sobbing, stomping, throwing self on floor, etc....until she finally calmed down and said it. Then we went through the whole thing all over again with the Cheerios. Oy! Terrible Twos anyone? Fortunately, most of the time, she's willing to rephrase herself per my coaching.

Whew. Life with a toddler! Never a dull moment, people.

Last night Ruthie tucked the bucket of crayons under her arm (this bucket is almost as big around as her torso, so that was a comical sight) and announced, "I goin' to work!" and marched out of the room. Moments later she was back, saying "Hi dize!" ("hi guys") to which Isaac replied, "Hi womans!" hee hee.

This morning Ruthie took her basket (an old Easter basket that someone gave us ages ago, which she likes to pretend is a purse) and put a few items in it and again announced, "I goin' to work!" Well, it's about time she started earning her keep! ;)

I posted the other day about Ruthie asking for "grass and mud" to eat. She continues to do so occasionally. Last night I was getting stuff for dinner out of the fridge, while holding Ruthie, and she announced, "I want grass and mud!" and then corrected herself, "I want grass -- no mud!" So I was laughing, and Isaac said "Ruthie's so funny!" and I said, "yes, she makes me laugh!" and to Ruthie, "You make me laugh!" and then "You make me hug and kiss!" and I hugged and kissed her, and then she said, "You make me fridge!" ROTFL.

Also last night, Isaac asked me to tell him (for the millionth time) the story of how Cousin Bastian came out of Aunt sandykidd's belly. So I started to tell the story, but then he got impatient and told me to stop before I had finished. But I finished anyway. And then as usual he wanted to go look at the pictures on my computer of me and SK when we were pregnant with Ruthie and Baz. But it was bedtime so I told him we'd do that tomorrow. So we went to put on pajamas, and when Isaac was naked, he stuck his belly waaaaay out and said "I have a baby in my belly!" Then of course Ruthie said "I have a baby in my belly too!" and then Isaac assured me that he was kidding. ;) I told him that I knew that. ;) Then I explained to him (also not for the first time) that he can't have a baby in his belly because he's a boy, but he could be a daddy to some baby some day, if he so chooses. I don't know how much of that sinks in, but he's more interested in the pregnancy and birth part at this point anyway. :)

Isaac has been full of quotables lately.

1. (We are having fun singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" with different body parts) "Head, shoulders, knees and penis!"

2. "Mama, on the side of the Cheerio box it says 'Cheerio Aitch.'" (It says "Oh what a difference" but with a cheerio in place of the O in "Oh")

3. During the Red Sox game:
Me: When you get three strikes, then you're out. See that? (instant replay is shown on tv) See, when the umpire makes a fist like that, that means a strike.
Isaac: Umpires suck your blood!
Me: (laughing)
Isaac: They really really do!

4. I had explained that this Monday his school is closed due to Patriots' Day and he will be spending part of the day at his friend L's house. So Isaac is dancing around, jumping up and down, saying "I love Mondays that are holidays! Holiday! Holiday! Holi-holi-holiday! (pause) Mama, what does holla mean?"

5. Whenever Isaac needs to use the toilet he lets me know.
Isaac: I have to go poop.
Me: You have to pee?
Isaac: No! Pee...(drawing a letter P in the air with his finger) Oh...(drawing a letter O)...Pee!(drawing another P)
Me: (lol) You have to pop?
Isaac: Huh?
Me: Never mind, go and poop.
(Normally I would have taken the time to explain about double letters and so forth, but I didn't want to risk an accident. ;) )

Here's a Ruthie-ism, during a diaper change, putting her hand between her legs: "Oothie's peanut!" LOL! I explained that Ruthie doesn't have a penis. I don't think it sank in.

Also one more Ruthie-ism, from the playground:
(Ruthie turning a "steering wheel" that's attached to the climbing structure)
Me: Are you driving?
Ruthie. Yeah.
Me: Cool.
Ruthie: Driving me nuts!

LOL!! And now I am thinking of the old joke about the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants.

Ruthie is definitely a child who lets you know what she wants. I've mentioned that when she wants to nurse she'll go "sit mama sit!" and shove me into a chair. LOL. Lately she also has side preference. If I offer her the "wrong" boob she'll go "nooo, yuhr one" (the other one) and yank at my shirt in search of the desired boob.

When a child is upset and I comfort him/her, I tend to say "I'm sorry" repeatedly. Ruthie has caught on to the fact that this generally means "you're not going to get what you want," so now it makes her even madder. When she's mad and I say "I'm sorry" she'll yell, "No, no say sowwy!" The trouble is that the sorries are so automatic for me, half the time I find myself saying "I'm sorry" in response to her telling me not to say sorry. *facepalm* How long do you think it'll take her to figure out "I apologize"? LOL

Lately Isaac has been impatient a lot (e.g. asking me repeatedly for milk while I'm in the process of getting a cup and taking the milk out of the fridge and pouring it, etc.) and I've been telling him and telling him to be more patient. So now he will say "I used up all my patience." As of yesterday I have started replying, "well, go to the patience store and buy some more." This morning when I said that, he went over to the kitchen cabinet and said "I'm at the patience store already!" me: "Well, give them your money and ask for some more patience please." So he put some imaginary money in a drawer and then pressed his mouth up against the drawer and then announced that they had given him a piece of paper with more patience on it. Thank goodness ;)