(no subject)

[mamajoan]

Okay, okay, thanks (I guess) for all the comments on my last post. I accept that I have been an idiot about taxes. I still don't think it makes sense, but I don't have the energy to worry about that right now anyway. And to answer two of your questions, a) no I am not going to do anything as stupid as putting my tax bill on a credit card or allowing the IRS to charge me interest. If it comes to that, I'll borrow the money from my mom's home-equity loan and pay the interest to her. And b) I did pay estimated taxes, but I only made one payment (covering the first half of the year) because then I looked at the spreadsheet that mogwar had made for me and it had a positive number for Q3 and a negative number for Q4, which I thought canceled each other out, so I didn't make another payment. Please do not tell me how dumb this was. I know it was dumb. I can't change it now, it's done, it's in the past, so leave it, okay?

If I sound defensive and fragile perhaps it's because I am on the edge of my overall ability to cope. Over the past week or two I have started to feel like the cumulative effects of two years of sleep deprivation are crashing down on me all at once. My functionalness is at a serious low, living my entire life on adrenaline is showing itself to be a subpar option, and I'm not sure what I'm doing about it (I mean, about Ruthie and the lack of sleep) but clearly some steps need to be taken. And I don't want advice on this either, especially not if it looks anything like "just let her cry herself to sleep" or "just start refusing to nurse her at night."

For the moment my solution is to go to bed earlier in general. I know that sounds dumb but it's a start. Also I called in sick today, and as soon as I post this, I'm going to get back into bed and hopefully sleep for three hours or so. It's not much, but it'll have to do for now.

I guess this sounds kind of incoherent. Well let me tell you, this is what I mean when I say I am not functioning. You should have seen me trying to get the kids ready for bed last night. It took twice as long as necessary because I kept lapsing into blank-stare mode. Bed now.

Comments

[tiffanygrrl.livejournal.com]

this is unrelated to your post - but I didn't know if you made it over to the new-ish msg boards. Anyways - a few boston people are trying to get together and I am trying to invite area folks to play at the Children's Museum. You can email me at lesbianmoms (at) gmail if you're interested (that email already gets so much spam from having posted it on my blog for my dissertation!)

:-)

[mofic.livejournal.com]

I hope you get a lot of sleep today! And that the tax situation turns out not to be as bad as you fear.

[thinking-lotus.livejournal.com]

You can also make a payment of estimated taxes now in order to avoid penalties.


I hope you feel better when you wake up.

[orbitalmechanic.livejournal.com]

Actually, going to bed earlier sounds like a great idea. In my experience, eating a half-assed dinner, skipping all evening activities, and going straight to bed for a few nights can help SO MUCH.

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

I'm facing the same lack of sleep issue, and getting the same meaningless advice. No, I will not just sit there while she cries for me, no, I am not going to refuse to nurse her to sleep, or refuse to nurse when she wakes up at night, because that would mean even less sleep at night. I have so much to get done that I don't feel like I can crash out at 9 either, but I have started forcing myself to bed by midnight, no matter what. I keep thinking I need to set a schedule for bedtime and stick to it, but I just don't know how reasonable that really is.

All of that is just to say I feel your sleeplessness pain, and I haven't done my taxes yet out of fear, so I get that side of things too. At least you aren't alone.

[lapenn.livejournal.com]

ugh, I'm sorry people gave you crap. Tax bills suck no matter what. Even if it's ultimately your fault, it still sucks. I totally understand how sometimes a thing or two slips when you're super busy and don't want to worry about it :-) I keep putting off changing my degree title (PhD student -> master's student). Now, I have to so that I can file for graduation. Thankfully, the deadline is much later htan I thought, but I was freaking out earlier because I haven't gotten it done yet.

[victoriacatlady.livejournal.com]

Much sympathy on the sleeplessness. It makes everything far harder than it would otherwise be.

I hope my hindleg on your last post didn't add to your stress; it wasn't at all meant to, just to display how very easy it is to wind up owing taxes when you're a contractor, through honest mistakes. (Though in my case, I think stupidity was a factor too, not to mention general fear of tax forms and procrastination.)