food, eating, and me
Nov. 2nd, 2007 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanI haven't written here about my gastrointestinal issues for a while. That's because they have mostly been in "remission" or whatever you'd call it. I haven't had a full-blown "episode" in quite a while. I also haven't gotten any further with the medical "establishment" since the gastroenterologist basically blew me off a couple of months ago.
I have been watching my fat intake. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm "avoiding" fat or consciously embarking on a low-fat diet. Rather, I'm just being more aware of what I eat, specifically in the fatty arena, and trying to be more sensible about it. Like, if I had a very fatty lunch, I'll have a leaner dinner. Or if I had a lot of fat yesterday, I'll go easy on it today. That kind of thing.
At the same time, I've been making a conscious effort to cut high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) out of my life as much as possible. For a variety of reasons -- political, environmental, personal/medical -- I've got a chip on my shoulder about HFCS, so it feels good to be avoiding it.
And I want you to know that I feel very weird about all of the above. Why?...because it all sounds so damn ADULT. The part of me that is still nineteen at heart, with the carefree metabolism of youth, is astounded by the very notion of restricting in any way the things I put into my mouth. ;) But well, you know, the me who was nineteen hadn't spent far too many nights crouched shivering in the bathroom wishing she would just barf and get it over with. These "episodes" may not have recurred for a while but that doesn't mean I've forgotten how awful they are.
After I had my gall bladder removed last year, at my four-week post-surgery checkup, I asked the doctor about eating habits (whether I should be severely restricting mine) and she said -- this is almost a direct quote -- that I should take it as a wake-up call that I'm not a kid any more and can't just eat whatever. She said that it wasn't necessarily "omg you must drastically eliminate fat from your diet" but more just, "you are a grownup now so you have to be sensible." Of course, at the time I was mostly that inner teenager going "Fuck that shit!" and plotting my next pint of Ben&Jerry's. ;) But I guess over time I've come to accept it and see its usefulness.
And some funny things have been happening in relation to all this. For one, I've definitely lost weight, in the good way (i.e., not the sickly you-look-like-crap way). People I've seen lately who hadn't seen me in a while have commented on it. A few clothing items are fitting that I never thought would fit again.
For another, it's interesting -- I'm starting to lose the desire to indulge as much as I used to. The snacks in the employee kitchen at work don't even tempt me any more. When I eat stuff with HFCS, I can almost taste it, and it grosses me out. I can't tell you that the Halloween candy, which we now have in our home in excessive quantities, doesn't sing its siren song. Of course it does. But I truly am okay now with eating one little piece and then stopping. I don't feel deprived. My tongue still wants more ;) but the rest of me feels like, yeah, that was enough for now. I also seem to be better at recognizing my body's signals -- like the sensation that means "stop eating now, even though I don't quite feel full yet" or "that was enough fat/sugar for today" or similar. On the psychological side, I'm getting better at stopping when there's "just a few more bites" on my plate, if stopping at that point is what my body tells me to do.
Of course, I've also made some good substitutions. I've been eating a lot of pretzels, which are great because they're totally fat-free (and I don't worry about salt at all...yet ;) ). I've discovered a really good almost-fat-free frozen yogurt at the ice cream place across the street from my office. ;) And of course No-Pudge-Fudge brownies have been my saviors in this period. I've found that in a pinch, when I get that intense "need" for chocolate, sometimes just three or four chocolate chips will do the trick. And don't get me wrong -- it's not like I'm subsisting on salad and tofu, LOL!! I still eat plenty of junk or quasi-junk. I'm just more aware of it and more trying to balance it out and think about it rather than just put in my mouth whatever happens to look good at the moment. And of course, this time of year is the hardest for that so it's quite possible that I'll be doing some backsliding.
Overall though, the fact is that I'm eating more sensibly, and it feels okay. I don't miss what I'm not eating (mostly). And I'll say again because it bears repeating -- I'm really amazed to be saying this. I have not yet fully integrated this stuff into my self-image, so it keeps giving me pause.
Of course, having done all this self-congratulatory back-patting, I'll probably have another "episode" tonight. heh. ah well, it's a learning process, innit.
I have been watching my fat intake. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm "avoiding" fat or consciously embarking on a low-fat diet. Rather, I'm just being more aware of what I eat, specifically in the fatty arena, and trying to be more sensible about it. Like, if I had a very fatty lunch, I'll have a leaner dinner. Or if I had a lot of fat yesterday, I'll go easy on it today. That kind of thing.
At the same time, I've been making a conscious effort to cut high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) out of my life as much as possible. For a variety of reasons -- political, environmental, personal/medical -- I've got a chip on my shoulder about HFCS, so it feels good to be avoiding it.
And I want you to know that I feel very weird about all of the above. Why?...because it all sounds so damn ADULT. The part of me that is still nineteen at heart, with the carefree metabolism of youth, is astounded by the very notion of restricting in any way the things I put into my mouth. ;) But well, you know, the me who was nineteen hadn't spent far too many nights crouched shivering in the bathroom wishing she would just barf and get it over with. These "episodes" may not have recurred for a while but that doesn't mean I've forgotten how awful they are.
After I had my gall bladder removed last year, at my four-week post-surgery checkup, I asked the doctor about eating habits (whether I should be severely restricting mine) and she said -- this is almost a direct quote -- that I should take it as a wake-up call that I'm not a kid any more and can't just eat whatever. She said that it wasn't necessarily "omg you must drastically eliminate fat from your diet" but more just, "you are a grownup now so you have to be sensible." Of course, at the time I was mostly that inner teenager going "Fuck that shit!" and plotting my next pint of Ben&Jerry's. ;) But I guess over time I've come to accept it and see its usefulness.
And some funny things have been happening in relation to all this. For one, I've definitely lost weight, in the good way (i.e., not the sickly you-look-like-crap way). People I've seen lately who hadn't seen me in a while have commented on it. A few clothing items are fitting that I never thought would fit again.
For another, it's interesting -- I'm starting to lose the desire to indulge as much as I used to. The snacks in the employee kitchen at work don't even tempt me any more. When I eat stuff with HFCS, I can almost taste it, and it grosses me out. I can't tell you that the Halloween candy, which we now have in our home in excessive quantities, doesn't sing its siren song. Of course it does. But I truly am okay now with eating one little piece and then stopping. I don't feel deprived. My tongue still wants more ;) but the rest of me feels like, yeah, that was enough for now. I also seem to be better at recognizing my body's signals -- like the sensation that means "stop eating now, even though I don't quite feel full yet" or "that was enough fat/sugar for today" or similar. On the psychological side, I'm getting better at stopping when there's "just a few more bites" on my plate, if stopping at that point is what my body tells me to do.
Of course, I've also made some good substitutions. I've been eating a lot of pretzels, which are great because they're totally fat-free (and I don't worry about salt at all...yet ;) ). I've discovered a really good almost-fat-free frozen yogurt at the ice cream place across the street from my office. ;) And of course No-Pudge-Fudge brownies have been my saviors in this period. I've found that in a pinch, when I get that intense "need" for chocolate, sometimes just three or four chocolate chips will do the trick. And don't get me wrong -- it's not like I'm subsisting on salad and tofu, LOL!! I still eat plenty of junk or quasi-junk. I'm just more aware of it and more trying to balance it out and think about it rather than just put in my mouth whatever happens to look good at the moment. And of course, this time of year is the hardest for that so it's quite possible that I'll be doing some backsliding.
Overall though, the fact is that I'm eating more sensibly, and it feels okay. I don't miss what I'm not eating (mostly). And I'll say again because it bears repeating -- I'm really amazed to be saying this. I have not yet fully integrated this stuff into my self-image, so it keeps giving me pause.
Of course, having done all this self-congratulatory back-patting, I'll probably have another "episode" tonight. heh. ah well, it's a learning process, innit.
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no subject
Date: 2007-11-02 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-04 06:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-04 06:54 am (UTC)Definitely worth keeping on working on your eating habits, the benefits in health are good. :) Apples + Cheese are such a better snack than cookies, for instance. :)
HUG!