reversions, subversions, excursions

[mamajoan]

Recently xochiquetzl took one of those online personality analysis quiz thingies and said it was weird that it called her an extrovert. I thought, "but she IS an extrovert." No one with a laugh as big as xochi's can be a full introvert. ;)

But then I thought some more about this and decided that actually xochi is probably, like me, the kind of introvert who can become loudly, even exuberantly extrovert-esque when among "our people," yet still maintaining a deep inner core of introvert-esque self-consciousness and timidity. (Okay, "inner core" is redundant, so sue me.)

I was thinking about all that yesterday morning, because, to make a long story short, I have been failing in my attempts to make new mom-friends, particularly those who have kids at Isaac's preschool. Several specific opportunities have presented, which for various reasons (stupid reasons, mind you) I haven't taken. I feel bad about it because it's kind of like, how can I have come so far as a mom (now feeling fairly secure with myself in that role, even if not by any stretch of the imagination perfect) but yet be still so socially inept?

But then I realized that the introvert thing operates here as well. For whatever reason, I haven't been thinking of the making-mom-friends process as analogous in that way to making general friends, but of course it is. I often talk with pride about how I made the effort to make friends during my first couple of semesters at Oberlin; in recognition of my own introversion, and not wanting to spend four years buried in books with no friends, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I forced myself to strike up conversations with random fellow students at every opportunity, to let out my inner extrovert, sort of the way xochiquetzl does (much better than me I usually feel). And you know what, it worked. It netted me some good friends, some of whom are reading this right now.

But it was also hard, and draining. And that's the same push I'm going to have to do if I want to make any new offline moms friends; and I just don't know whether I have the emotional energy for that right now. But at least it feels good to have figured it out.

Comments

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

I was surprised when I tested as an extrovert, until my coach told me that extraverts draw their energy from being in contact with other people, while introverts draw their energy from inside. And that's true for me - I like being alone, and I'm not overly brave socially, but I do my best work in teams and when I'm engaged and able to talk freely.

[sandykidd.livejournal.com]

The whole 'mom friends' thing is exactly why I take advantage of 'single-serve' friendships. I'm terrible about keeping up with people and remembering names and corresponding with new people, but when it's got to do with Bastian...I make friends everywhere I go, enjoy them with him in the moment, and then I don't feel I have to worry too much about trying so hard for deep emotional connections with new people. They'll happen when they happen. Baz makes it easy, but when he's not there, I hardly try at all.

[xochiquetzl]

Yeah, that's pretty much exactly it. I'm fine with "my people," I'm fine when I have a topic ("Hi, I'm here to fix your computer!"). I'm not so hot when it comes to things like calling the library director to tell her no (although the universe failed to implode when I did, so that's one down!), or trying to make new friends. And if I have too much people time I need time alone to decompress, because I lose rather than gain energy from other people, most of the time.

That said, yeah, we're in a very similar place, because I want local RL friends. I spent last weekend with my sister and will see Iffer on Sunday, but we haven't seen each other since the last birthday, whenever that was. Good grief, was it mine? It probably was. *facepalm*

I'm going to see if I can make some local writer friends, which is probably very analogous to you finding mom friends. ETSA, man. ETSA.