sigh...a stupid mom day
Feb. 14th, 2006 05:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanSo I went to the daycare's "Friendship Party" this afternoon. It turned out to be one of those things that seem specially designed to make me feel like a clueless and socially inept mom.
First of all, I was the only parent there, even though I was under the impression that parents were invited, even encouraged, to attend. So either I was wrong, or none of the other parents could get away, or there's some unstated but known to everyone except me rule that you don't go to those things even though the daycare staff say you're invited.
So I got there and the kids were all sitting around their table like they do every day at that time for afternoon snack. The only difference as far as I could see was that there was extra food -- the goodies provided by me and one or two other parents. It seems that the other parents brought their contributions in the morning and just left them there. Was I supposed to do that? I don't know.
When I arrived, Isaac was crying because they had pulled him out of his room (the 2-year-old room) to go play outside with the 3-year-olds. This is part of their transition process in preparing him to move up to the 3s which he'll do next month. They've put him in with the 3s in their room numerous times before, but apparently today was the first time they sent him *outside* with the 3s, and he didn't like it. And of course he cried harder when he saw me. I took him back inside to join the "Friendship Party" and he continued crying until he saw that there was food ;) then he took off his coat and boots and so forth, with much whining, which I really think was for my benefit. Then he sat down to eat. The other kids were all eating (or not, you know, in toddler fashion) and Isaac totally ignored the parent-provided goodies and would only eat the daycare-provided snack (nutrigrain bars). But whatever, it's a toddler thing.
But then I decided to leave and go back to work. I felt weird about the whole thing, really. I mean, they scheduled the thing for 3:30, and I don't usually pick up until 5:45ish, so it was far enough before my usual pickup that I didn't think I should just take him with me when I left; yet it was close enough to pickup time that it seemed weird to show up briefly and then leave. But, showing up briefly and then leaving is what I did. I was quite worried about how Isaac would react to me leaving, but I just said cheerily, "Bye Isaac, I'm going back to work, I'll be back to pick you up again soon." He didn't much care for it. As I was walking out I could hear him fussing. Then as I walked past the building, his teacher opened the window and called to me that Isaac was saying he wanted a goodbye hug from me. I told her that I thought it would just make things worse if I came back inside again, so she said she would tell him I had already gone.
I feel crappy about the whole thing. I don't know. I feel like an idiot for not knowing whether I was really "supposed to" go to the damn party. I mean, I knew in advance that it would feel weird to show up so early and then leave without taking him -- but I figured that if he saw other kids' parents doing the same thing, he would accept it. But there were no other parents, so instead it must have just seemed totally confusing to him: first they bundled him all up into his snow stuff and took him outside, then I appeared (which no other kid's parent had done) and took him back inside, then I left. And as I was leaving, the teachers were starting to get the 2-year-olds ready to go outside!!
So now I'm worried that he'll have spent the whole rest of the afternoon crying and fussing and wanting me, and confused about all of it. And I'm wondering why I went to so much trouble with the muffins when it turned out that there weren't any parents to feed, and there were in the end only 10 kids at the party so I could have just stuck with my original 10 muffins, and of course some of the kids (including mine!) refused to eat muffins anyway. I mean, not that it matters; the daycare staff will eat the rest of the muffins and probably appreciate them and that's fine. But it definitely doesn't feel like it was worth staying up past midnight to bake extra muffins, resulting in me being dead tired today, which in turn is probably why this whole stupid thing just makes me want to cry.
How is it that I tried so hard, harder than I usually do, to be one of the clueful involved moms, and wind up feeling more than ever like one of the stupid graceless ones?
anyway, just needed to vent. sigh.
In other news, today the daycare staff also had amongst themselves a cookie swap -- thing where everyone bakes cookies and you bring them in and then you get a little package containing some of each other person's cookies -- and Isaac's teacher made up a plate for me with one of each type of cookie. Apparently, she doesn't think I get enough sugar in my diet already. ;) I appreciated it, but since I was already also eating muffins and all that, it was just way too much. I gave several of the cookies to coworkers and the rest of them are sitting here mocking me with their sweet, probably tasty homemade goodness. urgh.
First of all, I was the only parent there, even though I was under the impression that parents were invited, even encouraged, to attend. So either I was wrong, or none of the other parents could get away, or there's some unstated but known to everyone except me rule that you don't go to those things even though the daycare staff say you're invited.
So I got there and the kids were all sitting around their table like they do every day at that time for afternoon snack. The only difference as far as I could see was that there was extra food -- the goodies provided by me and one or two other parents. It seems that the other parents brought their contributions in the morning and just left them there. Was I supposed to do that? I don't know.
When I arrived, Isaac was crying because they had pulled him out of his room (the 2-year-old room) to go play outside with the 3-year-olds. This is part of their transition process in preparing him to move up to the 3s which he'll do next month. They've put him in with the 3s in their room numerous times before, but apparently today was the first time they sent him *outside* with the 3s, and he didn't like it. And of course he cried harder when he saw me. I took him back inside to join the "Friendship Party" and he continued crying until he saw that there was food ;) then he took off his coat and boots and so forth, with much whining, which I really think was for my benefit. Then he sat down to eat. The other kids were all eating (or not, you know, in toddler fashion) and Isaac totally ignored the parent-provided goodies and would only eat the daycare-provided snack (nutrigrain bars). But whatever, it's a toddler thing.
But then I decided to leave and go back to work. I felt weird about the whole thing, really. I mean, they scheduled the thing for 3:30, and I don't usually pick up until 5:45ish, so it was far enough before my usual pickup that I didn't think I should just take him with me when I left; yet it was close enough to pickup time that it seemed weird to show up briefly and then leave. But, showing up briefly and then leaving is what I did. I was quite worried about how Isaac would react to me leaving, but I just said cheerily, "Bye Isaac, I'm going back to work, I'll be back to pick you up again soon." He didn't much care for it. As I was walking out I could hear him fussing. Then as I walked past the building, his teacher opened the window and called to me that Isaac was saying he wanted a goodbye hug from me. I told her that I thought it would just make things worse if I came back inside again, so she said she would tell him I had already gone.
I feel crappy about the whole thing. I don't know. I feel like an idiot for not knowing whether I was really "supposed to" go to the damn party. I mean, I knew in advance that it would feel weird to show up so early and then leave without taking him -- but I figured that if he saw other kids' parents doing the same thing, he would accept it. But there were no other parents, so instead it must have just seemed totally confusing to him: first they bundled him all up into his snow stuff and took him outside, then I appeared (which no other kid's parent had done) and took him back inside, then I left. And as I was leaving, the teachers were starting to get the 2-year-olds ready to go outside!!
So now I'm worried that he'll have spent the whole rest of the afternoon crying and fussing and wanting me, and confused about all of it. And I'm wondering why I went to so much trouble with the muffins when it turned out that there weren't any parents to feed, and there were in the end only 10 kids at the party so I could have just stuck with my original 10 muffins, and of course some of the kids (including mine!) refused to eat muffins anyway. I mean, not that it matters; the daycare staff will eat the rest of the muffins and probably appreciate them and that's fine. But it definitely doesn't feel like it was worth staying up past midnight to bake extra muffins, resulting in me being dead tired today, which in turn is probably why this whole stupid thing just makes me want to cry.
How is it that I tried so hard, harder than I usually do, to be one of the clueful involved moms, and wind up feeling more than ever like one of the stupid graceless ones?
anyway, just needed to vent. sigh.
In other news, today the daycare staff also had amongst themselves a cookie swap -- thing where everyone bakes cookies and you bring them in and then you get a little package containing some of each other person's cookies -- and Isaac's teacher made up a plate for me with one of each type of cookie. Apparently, she doesn't think I get enough sugar in my diet already. ;) I appreciated it, but since I was already also eating muffins and all that, it was just way too much. I gave several of the cookies to coworkers and the rest of them are sitting here mocking me with their sweet, probably tasty homemade goodness. urgh.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 10:46 pm (UTC)I spent last night having Sophie and Eric sign generically dumb valentines while I attached lollipops to Eric's (Sophie took care of her own).
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 10:49 pm (UTC)Maybe they also thought that with a bunch of parents there that the party would drag on until time to take the kids home and there wouldn't be the confusion.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 01:00 am (UTC)I think it's really just that I'm the only parent with a job close enough, and flexible enough, to permit popping off to daycare for a little while in the middle of the afternoon. I'm sure they DID want parents to come but the reality is that most couldn't. I'm also sure that at least 50% of the awkwardness was all in my head....
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 11:40 pm (UTC)Can I use obviate like that? I hope so. It looks cool.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 01:02 am (UTC)I don't think they should have adjusted the timing; they held the party at the time the kids are accustomed to having afternoon snack, and I think that's quite sensible. And a lot of parents pick up earlier than me anyway, so it's possible that they thought some parents would come to the party and then take their kids when they left. But after calming down a bit ;) I think the real issue was just that the other parents couldn't get away. Not everyone can work five minutes away from daycare, and not everyone can just pop out of work in the middle of the afternoon.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 12:31 am (UTC)IME daycare workers, preschool teachers, teachers, etc appreciate *any* parent involvement, so I think you were the only one who felt awkward and I hope you're able to rid yourself of the feeling quickly. (I tend to feel awkward too, so I do things like bring the goodies as the party's starting, to scope out if anyone else is there to decide if I want to stay, and so on.)
When I show up to an event, unless I absolutely *have* to get back to work, I tend to take Zoe home with me, but not all parents do.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 07:21 am (UTC)Last night I made mr babyotto go to the thing at school. I was just too darn sick of going to them all and having to feel my way.