first lines
May. 8th, 2002 03:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanTrying out another new icon, and also, first lines.
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thamiris started up a whole thing of fanfic writers posting the first lines to their stories and talking about which ones they like and dislike, and why. I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon, although I'm certainly not going to do every story I've ever written!
Before I look, I'll say that my sense is I used to do very utilitarian first lines -- very "setting the scene" type things, like "The captain walked onto the bridge" or "Xena woke up and looked around." But recently, especially as I got into Buffy fandom, I started doing more "punchy," grab the reader's attention, drop you right into the middle of the action type first lines.
That's my impression, anyway. So here goes, in something approximating chronological order:
"Major Kira," said Julian Bashir in surprise as the Bajoran woman limped painfully into sickbay. "What happened?" (Surprise, Surprise)
This was the first sentence of the first fanfic I ever wrote. It doesn't totally suck, but it's fairly boring.
"I'll go around the back. You check this way," said Mulder in an undertone, and with a brief nod his partner split away from him, gun at the ready as she slipped into the building. (The X-File Strikes Back, XF/SW crossover)
This is one of those utilitarian openers I was talking about. It's boring.
"Crap," said Kathryn Janeway with feeling as she picked herself up off the floor of her bridge. "What was that?" (Present's End, XF/VGR crossover)
This does throw you right into the action, but "crap"? Would Janeway ever say that? Yeesh.
I stand by the window and watch Scully and Mulder approach their car and get in. (As Usual)
Lame! Exposition much? Which is too bad, because I was (still am) fairly happy with this story overall. Although it got Cartered (if that's the appropriate analog to jossed) a while ago, obviously.
The bard was young and healthy, but the road was long, and she was thoroughly exhausted by the time she dropped her dusty body onto a stool at the bar. (The Hills May Shift, XWP)
I like this one because it sets the scene and the tone for the whole story. It *is* pretty expository, but it's also got some color.
"Gabrielle...." Xena's voice was low and threatening. (Mirth in Heaven)
"Gabrielle, all I'm saying is that's not how it happened." (Apotheosis)
What is it with me starting stories with Xena disagreeing with or threatening Gabrielle? Sheesh.
Xena knelt confidently on the bed, moving her hips so that the dildo teased at the humid entrance to her lover's depths. (A Limb Too Slight)
Hee hee. I like this one because it throws the reader directly into smut -- you know right away it's going to be That Kind Of Story (although it's not PWP). It also gets you directly into the characterization of Xena, confident and dominating. And you don't learn until three paragraphs in that it's actually a dream Xena's having (hence, her self-image and the image everyone else has of her are pretty similar actually). I'm fond of the word "humid" in sex scenes; it's so evocative.
Oz was dropping Willow off outside the college library, on his way to a gig. (Willow's Birthday Present)
The first line of the first BTVS fanfic I ever wrote. More boring exposition.
Spike lurked in a dark corner of the alley, smoking a cigarette, peering moodily out at Sunnydale. (If You Can't Beat 'Em...)
Spike lurking, smoking, and being moody? Whoa! That's new and different! This is one of my favorite stories and I'm fairly proud of it, but it sure gets off to a cliched start.
Buffy lies facedown on Spike's bed counting the days. (Melt Away)
I like this one because it's evocative and makes you wonder what's going on. What days is she counting? And the face-down part is sort of symbolic of Buffy's feelings about her relationship with Spike. It's kind of an avoidance thing, I guess.
Lex straightened up, blinking just a little from head-rush, and looked critically at his handiwork. (Best Laid Plans, SV)
I like this one because, even though the reader doesn't necessarily realize it yet, it's setting up the whole "Lex is drunk" theme which provides most of the humor for the piece.
Blades of grass tinted black by night whisper against each other as Spike lets himself into the Summers house through the back door. (Cold Comfort)
The first half of the sentence is a little purple, but I like it anyway. It tells you what Spike is seeing and hearing. The words black and night evoke melancholy, and enhance the sense of furtiveness that you get from "lets himself in" and "the back door."
* * * * *
I guess my initial hypothesis wasn't quite borne out, although I do think my opening lines have evolved to be a bit more interesting. Also, it's kind of misleading because in some cases you need the opening two sentences, or paragraph, to really get a feel for how I've started the story. Like in The Field Where I Died, which opens like this:
There were no video cameras, no news crews. The demolition of just another bit of farmland didn't really interest anyone. The bulldozer crew stood in a small clump off to one side, sharing a cigarette and muttering to each other, no doubt about the vicissitudes of the wealthy.
See, if you just had the first line it would seem lame. You're thinking "okay, there's no this and no that, so what?" But the second sentence clarifies, while at the same time introducing a contradiction that pulls the reader in -- obviously "didn't really interest anyone" isn't entirely accurate, otherwise there wouldn't be a story. And the third sentence sets the scene a little bit more; we know there's going to be a demolition, we know there aren't any reporters, but there *are* at least two bulldozer drivers and one "wealthy" person here. Already we have a sense of detachment between Lex and the bulldozers and the men, and we know something's going to happen, and the vicissitudes bit shows us that Lex is involved somehow; while the bit about no one being interested now looks sarcastic in retrospect, exposing Lex's bitter or sad feelings about what's happening. All in all, it's a paragraph that sets the whole thing up and pulls the reader into the plot and the mood.
Interesting exercise. May have to come back to it again later for more contemplation.
thamiris started up a whole thing of fanfic writers posting the first lines to their stories and talking about which ones they like and dislike, and why. I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon, although I'm certainly not going to do every story I've ever written!Before I look, I'll say that my sense is I used to do very utilitarian first lines -- very "setting the scene" type things, like "The captain walked onto the bridge" or "Xena woke up and looked around." But recently, especially as I got into Buffy fandom, I started doing more "punchy," grab the reader's attention, drop you right into the middle of the action type first lines.
That's my impression, anyway. So here goes, in something approximating chronological order:
"Major Kira," said Julian Bashir in surprise as the Bajoran woman limped painfully into sickbay. "What happened?" (Surprise, Surprise)
This was the first sentence of the first fanfic I ever wrote. It doesn't totally suck, but it's fairly boring.
"I'll go around the back. You check this way," said Mulder in an undertone, and with a brief nod his partner split away from him, gun at the ready as she slipped into the building. (The X-File Strikes Back, XF/SW crossover)
This is one of those utilitarian openers I was talking about. It's boring.
"Crap," said Kathryn Janeway with feeling as she picked herself up off the floor of her bridge. "What was that?" (Present's End, XF/VGR crossover)
This does throw you right into the action, but "crap"? Would Janeway ever say that? Yeesh.
I stand by the window and watch Scully and Mulder approach their car and get in. (As Usual)
Lame! Exposition much? Which is too bad, because I was (still am) fairly happy with this story overall. Although it got Cartered (if that's the appropriate analog to jossed) a while ago, obviously.
The bard was young and healthy, but the road was long, and she was thoroughly exhausted by the time she dropped her dusty body onto a stool at the bar. (The Hills May Shift, XWP)
I like this one because it sets the scene and the tone for the whole story. It *is* pretty expository, but it's also got some color.
"Gabrielle...." Xena's voice was low and threatening. (Mirth in Heaven)
"Gabrielle, all I'm saying is that's not how it happened." (Apotheosis)
What is it with me starting stories with Xena disagreeing with or threatening Gabrielle? Sheesh.
Xena knelt confidently on the bed, moving her hips so that the dildo teased at the humid entrance to her lover's depths. (A Limb Too Slight)
Hee hee. I like this one because it throws the reader directly into smut -- you know right away it's going to be That Kind Of Story (although it's not PWP). It also gets you directly into the characterization of Xena, confident and dominating. And you don't learn until three paragraphs in that it's actually a dream Xena's having (hence, her self-image and the image everyone else has of her are pretty similar actually). I'm fond of the word "humid" in sex scenes; it's so evocative.
Oz was dropping Willow off outside the college library, on his way to a gig. (Willow's Birthday Present)
The first line of the first BTVS fanfic I ever wrote. More boring exposition.
Spike lurked in a dark corner of the alley, smoking a cigarette, peering moodily out at Sunnydale. (If You Can't Beat 'Em...)
Spike lurking, smoking, and being moody? Whoa! That's new and different! This is one of my favorite stories and I'm fairly proud of it, but it sure gets off to a cliched start.
Buffy lies facedown on Spike's bed counting the days. (Melt Away)
I like this one because it's evocative and makes you wonder what's going on. What days is she counting? And the face-down part is sort of symbolic of Buffy's feelings about her relationship with Spike. It's kind of an avoidance thing, I guess.
Lex straightened up, blinking just a little from head-rush, and looked critically at his handiwork. (Best Laid Plans, SV)
I like this one because, even though the reader doesn't necessarily realize it yet, it's setting up the whole "Lex is drunk" theme which provides most of the humor for the piece.
Blades of grass tinted black by night whisper against each other as Spike lets himself into the Summers house through the back door. (Cold Comfort)
The first half of the sentence is a little purple, but I like it anyway. It tells you what Spike is seeing and hearing. The words black and night evoke melancholy, and enhance the sense of furtiveness that you get from "lets himself in" and "the back door."
* * * * *
I guess my initial hypothesis wasn't quite borne out, although I do think my opening lines have evolved to be a bit more interesting. Also, it's kind of misleading because in some cases you need the opening two sentences, or paragraph, to really get a feel for how I've started the story. Like in The Field Where I Died, which opens like this:
There were no video cameras, no news crews. The demolition of just another bit of farmland didn't really interest anyone. The bulldozer crew stood in a small clump off to one side, sharing a cigarette and muttering to each other, no doubt about the vicissitudes of the wealthy.
See, if you just had the first line it would seem lame. You're thinking "okay, there's no this and no that, so what?" But the second sentence clarifies, while at the same time introducing a contradiction that pulls the reader in -- obviously "didn't really interest anyone" isn't entirely accurate, otherwise there wouldn't be a story. And the third sentence sets the scene a little bit more; we know there's going to be a demolition, we know there aren't any reporters, but there *are* at least two bulldozer drivers and one "wealthy" person here. Already we have a sense of detachment between Lex and the bulldozers and the men, and we know something's going to happen, and the vicissitudes bit shows us that Lex is involved somehow; while the bit about no one being interested now looks sarcastic in retrospect, exposing Lex's bitter or sad feelings about what's happening. All in all, it's a paragraph that sets the whole thing up and pulls the reader into the plot and the mood.
Interesting exercise. May have to come back to it again later for more contemplation.
