poor planning

[mamajoan]

The other day I was reading some advice column, and the person writing in described a situation and ended with, "am I being selfish?" And the advice columnist's reply included the very sage observation that "truly selfish people never ask, 'am I being selfish?'"

I think that is true of a lot of things. Particularly, I think it's the case that truly bad parents never ask, "am I a bad parent?"

Keeping that in mind, I continue now to the main point of this post, to wit, it is ten days until Isaac's second birthday and I have made no party plans. Nothing, none, nada, zip, zilch. Until a few days ago I was kind of thinking I wouldn't even bother with a party. And then my mom (who is not at ALL the "you have to do this because everyone does it" type) said, "you do know it's two weeks till his birthday, right? are you gonna plan the party or what?" and I was suddenly like, "OMGWTF! I was going to not give my kid a birthday party! I am a terrible mother omg!!!!!!eleven!!!!"

So now I feel like I have to whip a party together in less than two weeks, and no one will be able to come because it's short notice, and it'll suck and I'm a bad, bad mama. But of course, I know that I'm not, and Isaac won't care because he doesn't know what the heck a birthday is anyway, so if two people show up and he gets cake, it'll be a win from his POV. :)

Now, Isaac's birthday is a Saturday. But it's also the day of Pride, and I really want to go to Pride. I love Pride. So I'm thinking of having the party on the Sunday. Is that terrible?

I'm also not sure what time to have it. On weekends Isaac's naps aren't very predictable but they do tend to take place somewhere around 1-3 or 2-5 or suchlike. Now having the party before naptime seems like a recipe for disaster, because if he gets tired and cranky it could get ugly and there I'd be trying to shove everyone out the door so he can nap. But if I try to pick some arbitrary time in the afternoon to have it, like 4, then what if he has one of his crazy days when he doesn't go down for nap until 3? And if it starts to get too late in the evening, then I have to provide something dinner-ish for the attendees. Augh! So I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Man, I really must get my shit together by next year, when he's actually going to have some clue what a birthday is, what a party is, and most likely what a gift is. Yikes!

Comments

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of fuzzy on kid stuff and my childhood memories are not of the norm. Do two year olds remember stuff like parties? I mean, if so, then yay birthday parties. But if not, then maybe doing something special that you know he likes, giving him a few gifts, and having an ice-cream cake or suchlike would be great. He'd still feel the day was special and it wouldn't be a whole day thing for you.

[orbitalmechanic.livejournal.com]

A two-year-old's birthday party is totally for the grown-ups, you know. So you can have it whenever you want. I speak as someone who had two or three birthdays a year.

[drglam]

In my family, the really early birthdays (say, earlier than the third one) was pretty much family-only. Is there any good reason to not just get the cake, then call your mom when he starts his nap, to give her a heads-up on when the party (two people plus cake :) ) will start?

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know about any GOOD reason, but the reasons to have a bigger party include: a) because other people besides my mom like Isaac and would enjoy celebrating his birthday with us, b) we'll need extra people to help eat the cake, c) it's a good excuse to have people over to play in our big yard, d) the more people who come, the more gifts Isaac will get, e) don't want him going into therapy sixteen years from now and saying "my mom didn't love me enough to give me a second birthday party!", f) peer pressure from fellow moms. And that's just off the top of my head! :)

[drglam]

Those are pretty good reasons (though e) seems a little unlikely, and f) being essentially "because I _have_ to).

(and I'd be inclined to include the a) people as family, as far as birthday parties are concerned. I did grow up with the dubious advantage of a huge one...)

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

Personally, I have always been a big fan of parties NOT being on the actual day. That way, if it's good, you get to drag out your birthday much longer, and if it's bad, at least you had an awesome birthday itself.


Yay, birthday!

speaking as a terrible parent...

[queenalia.livejournal.com]

...sam's birthday was on a saturday, and my mom and sister (on atkins at the time) were arriving then-- so no cake, if i was going to be respectful towards their weird diet habits.

so we brought cake to the cafe we hang out at on friday night. sam got his first chocolate, all the adults who love sam but ren't realated to him got cake, and it was good.

so my two cents: take cake to pride.

Re: speaking as a terrible parent...

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! I'm not making enough cake for several thousand queers! They can make their own damn cake. ;)

Re: speaking as a terrible parent...

[queenalia.livejournal.com]

ah, but the ones near you (especially the cute ones) will bless you and your offspring forever. ;)

[thedivinegoat.livejournal.com]

I went to the second birthday party of a friend's little girl who was born the day before Owen. They had them playing pass the parcel and a couple of other party games. The poor kids didn't know what was going on. Far too young for that.

Up until they're about four or five, parties are totally for the adults, so if you want to have the party on the Sunday or dispense with complete, Isaac's not going to deprived from some sort of essential social experience.

[thedivinegoat.livejournal.com]

One day I learn to type properly -

dispense with one completely, Isaac's not going to be deprived from some sort of essential social experience.

[ide-cyan.livejournal.com]

So I'm thinking of having the party on the Sunday. Is that terrible?

It's not terrible. It's terrific.

[talonvaki.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with celebrating your birthday on a different day. Heck, I had my birthday dinner last night.

[ww1614.livejournal.com]

You know how I feel about birthday parties....

Sophie is getting a big one because it's all she's talked about since June 27, 2004. Eric will watch her get a big party, then 12 days later, he will get a birthday cake from me, a card from his sister, and probably way too many presents from his father. And you know what? He'll live. He probably won't even notice that his sister got a $200 birthday party (don't ask) and he got a cake.

[wyldreamer.livejournal.com]

I think the party on Sunday would be fine...if his birthday was in the middle of the week you probably would have the party on the weekend and not on the acctual day anyway, right?

Lexie seems to already know what gifts are and is starting to remember who they are from. My mil likes to bring little things for her when she comes over and Lexie remembers that they are from Meme. weird. Her second birthday is in August...this weekend we'll be going to her cousin's first birthday party.

I remember having the nap dilema last year, we end it up lucky and she napped early I think. Have no idea what we'll do this year since her naps are erratic still. I still have a couple months to think about it though.

good luck!

[xochiquetzl]

Apparently, when my sister and I were that age we would have one birthday party in September (my birthday is in August, my sister's is in October). My mother figured we were too little to know the difference (she was right), and that we would be jealous of each other's birthdays (can't speak to that one).

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

Dude, he's two, he's not even going to notice if you skip it entirely, let alone care about what day it's held on.

From a philosophical perspective, I kind of like the Heinlein idea of not letting kids know when their birthday is, so that they cant get all hyper-excited and nag for presents, etc. Then when they get the toys/cake or whatever, it's cool no matter what it is.

[aelf.livejournal.com]

Zoe turns two on June 25. We're not having a birthday party for her. She'll be 2, she doesn't care. We'll do pizza and cupcakes or something at daycare, just because that tends to be the habit at our daycare. And then over the 4th of July weekend, we'll make our yearly pilgrimage to my inlaws (so my husband can blow things up) and Zoe'll get fawned over by her relatives and get gifts.

On her actual birthday, she'll get to choose dinner (it's what we did in my family) and if she wants she can have some cake. But it'll just be her, me, and her dad.

Honestly, I don't plan on giving her birthday parties until she asks for them.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

If I were you, I'd have his party the weekend after. If you go to Pride, you're going to be way too worn out to get ready for and host a birthday party the next day. No one will care in the least that it's a week late, especially not Isaac.

BTW, I have Ilana that day and I rescheduled my radio interview, so let's go to Pride together!