public service announcement

[mamajoan]

I would like to state for the record that if anyone reading this who is known to me considers me "a disgusting human being," I would appreciate your telling me so to my face. (Well, my e-face.) Please state your name, the nature of your acquaintance with me, and the evidence/reason for your dislike of me.

Furthermore, if anyone reading this whom I have listed as a "friend" in LJ parlance has a poor opinion of my parenting skills, please speak up immediately so that I may de-"friend" you.

Late last night I posted a "desperation post" in which I whined about how little me-time I get and how irritating I often find it when Bini, my cat, tries to turn my me-time into Bini-time. And yes, I alluded to thoughts/fantasies of giving Bini away, although I believe I made it pretty clear that I would never actually do so unless I were 100% sure that he was going to a loving, caring home where he would be very happy.

Well, some anonymous person saw fit to comment on this post telling me that I am, as I quoted above, "a disgusting human being"; that my cat should be removed from my custody because I "consider killing it"; and that I am avoiding actually parenting my child by foisting him off on my presumably unwilling mother. Oh, and this anonymous poster also claims that he is the spokesman for all of my friends because none of them are willing to say these things to me. (I am assuming the anonymous poster is male because he referred to himself as "spokesman," although of course that's not a guarantee.)

Thus I state for the record that if any of my friends do indeed feel this way, I would like them to tell me so, that I might know where I stand. If you're too fucking cowardly to post it here, you can email me. You all know my email address(es) by now.

You know, at first I was upset, of course, and angry, about the anonymous comments. But now I'm down to merely bewildered. I honestly don't get what motivates people to post such hurtful things anonymously. Nor do I understand what value anyone would get out of following the livejournal of someone they think so poorly of; from what he said about my mom and Isaac, it seems clear that Anonymous Troll has read quite a bit of my LJ. I guess some people don't have anything better to do? Anyway, at this point it doesn't even matter whether Anonymous Troll actually is someone I know or not; either way, his opinions don't matter, because he lacks the strength of his convictions, as evidenced by his anonymity.

Of course, it's oh so easy to say that, and oh so hard to shake the hurt feelings. But you know what, think what you will, I am a fantastic mother, my child is happy, and my cat, well, he would be five years dead by now if not for me, but instead he has spent those five years fat, dumb, and (mostly) happy; so fuck you very much and goodbye.

Comments on this post will be screened.

Comments

[maggiesox.livejournal.com]

I am extremely sorry I didn't see that post, and am fighting the urge to go bitchslap that ass.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I am still debating whether to delete the comments or not.

more than happy to be your second

[lightningrose.livejournal.com]

if we can identify this person. The absolute gall it takes to judge someone else's parenting in absentia is amazing.

I also would like to know what's so horrifying about planning to give away an animal you can't personally care for. Hundreds of thousands of animals get plunked on the street (including my beloved Dot who I rescued) without so much as a by-your-leave much less any agonized thought on the subject.

Anyway, I know the kind of person you are. If there are asshats who'd rather judge you than get to know you, their loss.

[mofic.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry this happened to you, Joan! I can't imagine what would motivate someone to do that. I'd skipped over the message when I saw it was cat-related.

FWIW, having followed your parenting journey for a while in a couple of places, I'm quite convinced that you are a fantastic mother *and* daughter. I know these things.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Yeah, I figured a fair number of people would have skimmed or skipped it because it was cat-related. Plus it was whiny, so that's a double-whammy right there for some. ;)

[popfantastic.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry people are idiots. Obviously I think you are a great mom, daughter, pet-owner, and person, even if these are not the kinds of things I say often enough.

And even though this is SO not the point at this juncture, thinking about finding a safe, loving home for an animal you care about because your situation has changed is not evil; it's the right thing to do. The wrong thing is to refuse to ever consider finding a better situation for an animal even though you cannot give him the attention he needs.

[kenboy.livejournal.com]

Jeebus. I glanced at that post before bed last night and chuckled to myself, thinking, "hahaha, we have those same moments, except we talk about putting Nathaniel up on eBay (which we call eBaby in these moments), or one or both cats up on eKitty."

Christ, why keep someone friended if you're "disgusted" by them? You talk about Isaac in the vast majority of your posts, so it's not like one of those cases where you read someone for the fic and grudgingly put up with their occasional real life rants which you can't really stand.

Whatever. You should turn off anonymous posting. And you should try to reverse-lookup the ip address (assuming you had that turned on) to get a clue on who it was. If I was bored/offended/annoyed at you, I probably wouldn't tell you anonymously or to your face -- I'd just defriend you and move on with my life. If I want to troll, well, that's what Fandom_Wank is for, you know?

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, even my mom said that she has those moments of being annoyed with her kitties, and they get WAY more attention from her than mine does from me. So I guess it's just normal to have those moments sometimes.

I did try looking up the IP but it didn't get me anywhere, except that possibly the troll is in the Houston area, which doesn't tell me much. Anyway, I'm not too invested in figuring out who it is, so whatever. And I leave anonymous commenting enabled because I still have a few friends/acquaintances who like to read my journal but still refuse to sign up for their own. Although, they post so infrequently, maybe I should just do it.

What the <i>fuck?</i>

[shmuel.livejournal.com]

I read that post when you put it up last night, but didn't see the comments until now. It seemed entirely reasonable and understandable to me, non-parent though I am, and I certainly wouldn't have imagined it would provoke any hate mail. And there's nothing at all in there that implies you'd consider killing the cat; quite the contrary.

One reason I've found your journal of interest is that you come across as anything but a bad parent, reveling in your child's achievements and putting a lot of thought and care into how you raise him.

In short: your anonymous poster is a ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng.

Re: What the <i>fuck?</i>

[azurelunatic]

Translation and tones?

[orbitalmechanic.livejournal.com]

My favorite part was the bit where he was like, "Your friends are too chickenshit to tell you they all hate and despise you, I'm the only one brave enough to speak out! Love, Anonymous."

I also like the idea that your mom, of all people, can't decide for herself how much she wants to babysit. Hah.

[wyldreamer.livejournal.com]

wow, some people really suck.

I almost commented to that post last night but just wanted to get offline and relax. My cat has been giving me a hard time and wanting me to play with her at night after Lexie is asleep and I'm trying to enjoy my only free-time. She won't cuddle with me though, only my husband, for me she just wants play and food.

Lexie mostly screaches at our cat and follows her around. Sometimes she kisses her (which the cat tolerates pretty well) and pats her pretty gently...the cat isn't too thrilled with Lexie though, poor kitty.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Bini was already pretty much into avoiding Isaac even before the tail-pulling started, and now he's even more so. I understand it, but it is annoying. I guess I'm hoping that as Isaac gets older, Bini will get more comfortable with him, but I don't know. Bini's pretty old and set in his ways.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

What a fucktard. I'm really pissed off on your behalf.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Thanks. The more I mull it over, the more I just shake my head and scoff at the idiocy of some people, but it does still hurt.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

I just--I'm astonished that someone would post that in your LJ. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

*hugs*

Mean people suck

[techn0goddess.livejournal.com]

The anonymous troll should be lined up before a firing squad and subjected to a 21-spork salute.

Ready,

Aim,

SPORK!

Re: Mean people suck

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yeah, that would teach him a lesson all right. Phear the Spork!

[aelf.livejournal.com]

You know, it's really brave of you to (potentially) invite criticism after the jerk commented yesterday. I think I'd be still be fuming & sulking.

I also find it sad that (some) people think no grandparent wants to be very involved in the life of her grandchild. My mom would take my daughter for, uhm, the rest of her life :) if she thought I'd let her! (And feel blessed!)

Ah well. People are strange.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Heh. I don't so much think of it as brave, more as passive-aggressive. ;) I figured the likelihood of me getting a lot of supportive comments (as I have) was a lot higher than the likelihood of getting any more flames.

I doubt my mom would want to have Isaac for the rest of her life -- she generally is exhausted after eight hours with him. ;) But she LOVES having that one full day per week with him, plus usually a few hours on the weekend as well.

WTF?

[xochiquetzl]

This is why I have anonymous comments turned off and screen non-friends. If someone has something to say to me, they can sign their name to it. If they don't have the balls to stand by it, why should I care about their opinion?

Also, I second techn0goddess's 21 spork salute idea!

[sydb42.livejournal.com]

I almost posted a comment to that post last night saying "I know just how you feel" because my cats pretty much hide during the day and then insist on attention once Roo has gone to bed. But, I was too tired to write anything last night.

Being a parent DOES change things, and frankly, the human kid is more important. I had the gall to post that in my journal a while back (I can't remember what prompted the post) and ended up being defriended by one person who said her cat was her life and had another person tell me that her dogs were more important than her kids and that it was actually more important that she take care of the dogs than that she take care of the kids.

As for gramma taking care of Isaac, I think that grandparent-grandchild relationships are VERY important, and think it's wonderful that Isaac gets to see so much of his grandma. My older daughter goes to visit each set of grandparents one time a week, and occasionally for various amounts of time on the weekend, and my newborn daughter will start going at the same time here pretty soon. Grandparents know how to say no if they can't watch the grandkid, and most grandparents want to see MORE of their grandchildren, not less, and it's pretty obvious that your mom loves to spend time with Isaac (and vice versa), so that's hardly taking advantage.

Whoever said that is probably not a parent at all. People who aren't parents really don't "get" what being a parent is like at all and need to keep their f'ing mouths shut. Or, if they can't keep quiet, they need to take credit for what they say.

[bodacia.livejournal.com]

Well, from what I have seen (read), you're a totally great mom. :) And that thing about foisting Isaac off on his grandmother is just downright bizarre. In what universe is it a bad thing to have a child spend quality time with his grandma!??

As for Bini...hello, you're just frustrated over not having any time to yourself -- which is par for the course when you're a mother + pet owner. I mean, geez, if you can't vent in your own LJ, where can you vent? I'm sure that giving Bini away would be a last resort, not just some cavalier act on your part.

That anonymous poster is an ass who needs to get his own goddamn life instead of judging others' !!

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) Yeah, what I'm learning (again and again...) is that there are people who don't have kids who can understand (at least somewhat), and then there are people who don't have kids and can't understand. Some of my friends are the latter, but at least they aren't complete assholes about it, and I know I like them, so I put up with it. But I sure as hell don't have to put up with it from an anonymous jerk.

[azurelunatic]

Ugh. And, um. Because I'm a vengeful bitch like that, if you ever do find out who the troll is, and you see they're a member of note_to_cat, could you let me know who I would very much like to kick the fuck out?

[lbmango.livejournal.com]

Do we even know if Bob Hayes HAS a LJ? has he friended you?

I might be ammused to read Bob Hayes' LJ, if only for the humor value.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Heh, well he does have a blog, at blogspot I believe. I don't know if he has an LJ, but I don't think he has friended me. There are about 18 people who have friended me who I don't know who they are, but I don't THINK he is one of them....

[retch.livejournal.com]

don't let it bug you chlaal, it's just a troll. Ugly, nasty, and it will crawl back into hiding soon enough. It may not even actually be anybody you know, given they posted anonymously, might just be somebody random deciding to be a jerk...

[morgan-dhu.livejournal.com]

I guess you've deleted the post that prompted this, so I can't word for word tear the asshat's dibbled drivel to pieces, but for the record...

I am in awe of your decision to parent and in how you are managing to balance a child, a job, a cat and a house, to say nothing of continuing to have a social life to keep yourself sane.

From what I have read, and what I know of you, I'm thinking you're a great mother, and Isaac is clearly a happy, bright and healthy child. I see nothing at all improper in the degree of your mother's involvement in raising Isaac - that's what families do. This artificial limiting of child-nurturing to the hypothetical nuclear family is a recent development, and only makes it harder for people who are not physically close to family (birth or chosen) to share childcare in the way it's been done for millenia. I'm very glad for that you have your mother nearby and that she is in a position to give you the kind of support that parents can always use more of.

As for Bini - you have a lot of responsibilities. It's understandable when you're busy and stressed to sometimes want to look at your life and see if you have taken on too much, and whether there is any responsible way to lighten your load so you have time to meet your responsibilities to yourself. I know that if you ever did chose to find another home for Bini, it would only be becasue it was the only way to continue keeping yourself sane and giving your child everything he needs, and that you would make sure Bini went to another place where he would be loved and cared for. And I'd support you in that.

So forget about the asshat. I doubt that it's anyone who knows you, or that it actually speaks for anyone who does.

[peterchayward.livejournal.com]

From what I've read, I think that you really are a great mum, which is probably helped by the fact that Isaac sounds like a really great kid.

Having said that, I was a little surprised at the cat thing. I'm not a pet-lover myself though, so I get surprised at pretty much anything to do with cats.

[azurelunatic]

Geekwise, I'd have wanted to keep the anonymous comment (screened), disable anonymous commenting, then enable IP logging for all logged-in users. Just to see.

[hopemcg.livejournal.com]

yeah, that's what I was going to suggest. I have mine log IPs for anonymous folks. It (kinda, maybe) keeps the weirdos away.

[girliejones.livejournal.com]

Wow! What a thing to say! I friended you only recently but any one could tell that that post was a venting post cause you were tired and frustrated. Its a snapshot not who you are. I think you do a great job juggling all your responsibilities. I admire you!

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I really appreciate that especially from someone who doesn't know me all that well.

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

I had to disable anonymus posting for a while, due to assholes, so good for you to get rid of this jerk.