a new rant topic! Plus misc updates.
Jan. 28th, 2005 12:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanYou know what sucks about taking a nice hot shower on a cold winter day, is that eventually you have to get out. Why is life so unfaaaaaaair? Why can't I just stay in the nice hot shower till spring?
I'm amused by the fact that spammers seem to be catching on to LJ's popularity. I'm getting spam now with subject "Reply to your post" and "Reply to your comment."
Speaking of spam, I finally actually read (as opposed to just deleting) one of the new spams I've been getting, which supposedly want to sell you a drug to increase your ejaculation. ("You" being a guy, of course.) Here's the exact text of the message:
"Erections like steel." What, you mean hard, unbendable, and cold to the touch? Sounds really appealing.
"Increased libido/desire." I don't think men who are buying these kinds of products on the internet need their libidos increased.
"Stronger ejaculation." Do men really worry about the strength of their ejaculations? I'm talking about regular, average men here, not porn stars. For that matter, do *women* worry about the strength of their men's ejaculations? Seriously, who cares?
"Multiple Orgasms." Okay, can't argue with that one.
"Up to 500% more volume." Dude, this one is just kind of scary. 500%??? That's a heck of a lot of semen, people. I really don't understand this one anyway. My impression is that most of us women already dislike the ick factor of the small amount of semen produced by the average man's average ejaculation; why would we find it sexy to increase that by 500%?? Are there really women out there going, "well, I really like Bill a lot, he's a great guy and we have so much in common ... but he doesn't ejaculate enough, so I think I'm going to have to call it off."? While their friends sit there nodding and murmuring sympathetically. "Oh dear, that's just too bad. Not enough cum, you say? You poor thing. Here, have a Thin Mint."
And as for this "cover her in it if you want," um, ew? I really don't understand this fixation that men have -- or, that porn spam and porn movies seem to think men have -- with ejaculating on women's faces or bodies. I'm sorry, it's just gross, and although I'm sure there are some women out there who enjoy it, I think it's safe to say that most of us probably just find it icky.
HOWEVER ... all of the above is really just prelude, appetizers if you will, to the main attraction. Which is of course the final line item quoted above. Let's review it, shall we?
"Studies show it tastes sweeter."
Let's take another look at that. Studies show. STUDIES show. STUDIES SHOW it tastes sweeter. I'm sorry, do I seem a bit fixated on the "studies" part? Well, can you blame me? Seriously, folks, do we really believe that there were scientifically conducted studies, performed in laboratories under controlled conditions, which determined conclusively that semen produced by men using this drug tastes sweeter? Are you getting the mental picture that I'm getting? A mental picture of a long white table, behind which sits a row of women (okay, and gay men) in white lab coats, wearing hairnets and rubber gloves. In front of each of them is a series of little plastic tasting cups, and a piece of paper and a pencil. Okay, and a clipboard, just to make it REALLY scientific. ;) And they're sipping ... swirling ... tasting ... swallowing ... taking notes. Maybe a little seltzer water in between samples, to clear the palate? "Hmm, this one is definitely somewhat sweet, but with a bitter aftertaste and sticky mouthfeel. I give it a six out of ten." "Oh, this one is nice. Someone's been taking his vitamins! Smooth and silky on the tongue. Tastes really good. Nine out of ten. I would have this one with every meal."
I mean, seriously, folks. STUDIES SHOW IT TASTES SWEETER. Are you with me on the absurdity factor here, or what?
Man, that is some messed-up shit. But funny. Definitely funny. You gotta love spam, always good for a laugh.
In misc update news, the stroller in the parking space is working so far. It worked on Tuesday when I went to work, it worked yesterday morning when I dropped off Isaac at grandma's house and then again yesterday night when I went to pick him up again. I shoveled the space out some more, and also shoveled a new "doorway" in the wall of snow lining our sidewalk, because I was tired of having to go halfway down the block just to cross the street. That was fun, whee. Also my co-homeowner Brian emailed that he's going to be away this weekend through Tuesday, so if it snows again, I'll have to shovel our sidewalk. Man, how badly do I want it to NOT snow again?
My mom's friend the tax preparer guy emailed that he's crazy busy and wouldn't be able to do my taxes till after April 15th, if I get an extension. :( Guess I'll be doing them myself. sigh. ah well.
I'm amused by the fact that spammers seem to be catching on to LJ's popularity. I'm getting spam now with subject "Reply to your post" and "Reply to your comment."
Speaking of spam, I finally actually read (as opposed to just deleting) one of the new spams I've been getting, which supposedly want to sell you a drug to increase your ejaculation. ("You" being a guy, of course.) Here's the exact text of the message:
- The longest most intense Orgasms of your lifeOkay, ignoring the spelling and grammatical errors because they're just too easy a target, let's take these one at a time:
- Erctions like steel
- Increased libido/desire
- Stronger ejaculaton (watch where your aiming)
- Multiple 0rgasms
- Up to 5OO% more volume (cover her in it if you want)
- Studies show it tastes sweeter
"Erections like steel." What, you mean hard, unbendable, and cold to the touch? Sounds really appealing.
"Increased libido/desire." I don't think men who are buying these kinds of products on the internet need their libidos increased.
"Stronger ejaculation." Do men really worry about the strength of their ejaculations? I'm talking about regular, average men here, not porn stars. For that matter, do *women* worry about the strength of their men's ejaculations? Seriously, who cares?
"Multiple Orgasms." Okay, can't argue with that one.
"Up to 500% more volume." Dude, this one is just kind of scary. 500%??? That's a heck of a lot of semen, people. I really don't understand this one anyway. My impression is that most of us women already dislike the ick factor of the small amount of semen produced by the average man's average ejaculation; why would we find it sexy to increase that by 500%?? Are there really women out there going, "well, I really like Bill a lot, he's a great guy and we have so much in common ... but he doesn't ejaculate enough, so I think I'm going to have to call it off."? While their friends sit there nodding and murmuring sympathetically. "Oh dear, that's just too bad. Not enough cum, you say? You poor thing. Here, have a Thin Mint."
And as for this "cover her in it if you want," um, ew? I really don't understand this fixation that men have -- or, that porn spam and porn movies seem to think men have -- with ejaculating on women's faces or bodies. I'm sorry, it's just gross, and although I'm sure there are some women out there who enjoy it, I think it's safe to say that most of us probably just find it icky.
HOWEVER ... all of the above is really just prelude, appetizers if you will, to the main attraction. Which is of course the final line item quoted above. Let's review it, shall we?
"Studies show it tastes sweeter."
Let's take another look at that. Studies show. STUDIES show. STUDIES SHOW it tastes sweeter. I'm sorry, do I seem a bit fixated on the "studies" part? Well, can you blame me? Seriously, folks, do we really believe that there were scientifically conducted studies, performed in laboratories under controlled conditions, which determined conclusively that semen produced by men using this drug tastes sweeter? Are you getting the mental picture that I'm getting? A mental picture of a long white table, behind which sits a row of women (okay, and gay men) in white lab coats, wearing hairnets and rubber gloves. In front of each of them is a series of little plastic tasting cups, and a piece of paper and a pencil. Okay, and a clipboard, just to make it REALLY scientific. ;) And they're sipping ... swirling ... tasting ... swallowing ... taking notes. Maybe a little seltzer water in between samples, to clear the palate? "Hmm, this one is definitely somewhat sweet, but with a bitter aftertaste and sticky mouthfeel. I give it a six out of ten." "Oh, this one is nice. Someone's been taking his vitamins! Smooth and silky on the tongue. Tastes really good. Nine out of ten. I would have this one with every meal."
I mean, seriously, folks. STUDIES SHOW IT TASTES SWEETER. Are you with me on the absurdity factor here, or what?
Man, that is some messed-up shit. But funny. Definitely funny. You gotta love spam, always good for a laugh.
In misc update news, the stroller in the parking space is working so far. It worked on Tuesday when I went to work, it worked yesterday morning when I dropped off Isaac at grandma's house and then again yesterday night when I went to pick him up again. I shoveled the space out some more, and also shoveled a new "doorway" in the wall of snow lining our sidewalk, because I was tired of having to go halfway down the block just to cross the street. That was fun, whee. Also my co-homeowner Brian emailed that he's going to be away this weekend through Tuesday, so if it snows again, I'll have to shovel our sidewalk. Man, how badly do I want it to NOT snow again?
My mom's friend the tax preparer guy emailed that he's crazy busy and wouldn't be able to do my taxes till after April 15th, if I get an extension. :( Guess I'll be doing them myself. sigh. ah well.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 07:26 pm (UTC)*hugs*
followed from MQ
Date: 2005-01-28 08:11 pm (UTC)Re: followed from MQ
Date: 2005-01-28 08:16 pm (UTC)1. Assume that you are a man who has to get women via internet spam.
2. Therefore you must be incapable of getting a woman the normal way.
3. Therefore you must be a real loser.
4. Therefore the only woman who will give you the time of day is a stupid one.
It's easy once you apply mathematical principles! ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 07:09 pm (UTC)and after reading your vision of what a "study" would include?
I don't think I'll eat again for quite some time...
;-)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 07:38 pm (UTC)(1) original post = hilarious... My coworkers are wondering why I'm laughing so hard, and I'm not quite sure how to explain it.
(2) *icon love* for psu_jedi! :) (hehehe, sorry... That'll teach me to preview my comments before posting them!)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 08:23 pm (UTC)"Tastes Sweeter"
Date: 2005-01-28 07:51 pm (UTC)http://www.sexylosers.com/167.html
http://www.sexylosers.com/178.html
http://www.sexylosers.com/179.html
Comic strip is, of course, not work-safe.
Re: "Tastes Sweeter"
Date: 2005-01-28 10:24 pm (UTC)Chocolate Mint! My favorite.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 09:02 pm (UTC)Making me spew with laughter and gross-out-ness all the same time!!
Too MUCH!
I love your sense of humor!
Date: 2005-01-29 02:44 pm (UTC)