the questions meme

[mamajoan]

devafall asked some really interesting questions in my five questions meme post so I'm going to answer them in a new post.

1. Do Judaism (cultural or religious) and Paganism mix, for you? If so, how?

To an extent, they do mix (this is really more of a question for anotherjen! I would love to see her answer it!) and I certainly feel a stronger tie to what they call "Jewish mysticism" than traditional little-o-orthodox Judaism. I see Judaism as a faith that is very interested in the mysteries of life/the universe/everything, and that's what paganism is about too, to me.

I identify much more strongly with Judaism as a culture/heritage than a religion. I know that some religious Jews consider this viewpoint to be spurious, but *shrug* I don't know what to tell them. It's how I feel.

I can't get down with any form of organized religion really, whether it's Judaism or paganism or anything else. The few times I've been involved in covens, it hasn't worked out. I do better as an eclectic, also known as "making stuff up as I go along." To me paganism is more about acknowledging and celebrating the fundamental interconnectedness of things than about any specific worshipping practice/belief.

2. What advice would you give someone considering parenting?

Hmm, seems I've been doing a bit of this lately. ;) OK, three things:

a. I would start by saying that you'll never be 100% sure you're ready to be a parent, so at a certain point you have to just have faith. Parenting is not a dip-your-toe-in-and-see activity. You have to jump in all the way from the start. When you're ready, you will know, even if you second-guess and distrust yourself. Later, you'll look back and say "I wasn't sure, but it was the right time." Or possibly "What was I thinking?!" ;) How did I know I was ready? I knew because things in my life generally were aligning. I had gotten out of a job that I hated and into one that I loved. I felt better about my finances. I had paid off my car. I had an apartment that I loved. I felt good about my relationships with my mom and friends. I felt, in essence, comfortable with myself. I felt settled in my life and my being. I realized that all of this had snuck up on me while I was still thinking of myself as "just out of college." It hit me all of a sudden and I just knew.

b. Secondly, I would say be prepared to have ALL your expectations challenged. You will think you know that parenting will surprise you, and yet, you'll still be surprised. Any of your most cherished notions of "what it will be like" is fair game. Examples: I thought I knew that the sleep deprivation was hard, but it was much harder than I expected. I thought I would feel horribly guilty when I put my baby in daycare and returned to work -- instead I welcomed it as a return to normalcy (albeit a new normalcy). I thought my impatience would be a problem I'd have to work on -- instead I'm finding reserves of patience that I never knew I had.

c. And thirdly I would say to read the books, ask people, check websites ... and then go with your gut. No book can tell you what YOUR child needs, and what worked for thousands of parents throughout history may not work for you. Example: All the books, websites, etc., say that to relieve teething pain you should give your baby something cold. A popsicle, a cold wet washcloth, an ice cube, whatever. Well, Isaac doesn't like cold. It turns out that when he's teething he likes to chew on a WARM wet washcloth, or for preference a chunk of bread. Are all the books wrong? No, they just don't know my kid.

3. What kinds of music do you most enjoy listening to?

I mostly listen to classical. I also like some weird alternative rock groups, like They Might Be Giants, Moxy Fruvous, Queen, Utopia. I like 60s-era folk/rock, like Simon & Garfunkel, the Mamas & the Papas, etc. I also kind of like reggae, interestingly enough, although I only ever listen to it in the car.

I actually like a lot of stuff besides the above, but I'm an idiot about pop music so it's hard for me to say I like a particular style. All I can do is name artists and/or albums. :)

4. Name one writer whose books you would recommend avoiding like the Black Death.

Wow. This was a tough one! After much deliberation I'm going to go with Ernest Hemingway. Ugh! Just can't get into it at ALL. A very close second was JK Rowling. ;)

5. Where do you stand on the question of "fanfic as appropriation of another writer's intellectual property"?

I stand pretty firmly on the "fair use, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" side. People have been writing fanfic for centuries -- you could even argue that some/all of the works of Shakespeare are fanfic -- and all that has changed is our understanding of the concept of intellectual property. But these things aren't mutually exclusive; you can write fanfic while still honoring the rights of the original author/creator. The problem arises when fanfic writers come to feel some sort of ownership of the original text -- i.e., when they lose (or fail to develop) their sense of the integrity of the text they're borrowing. It's the same problem that is causing what appears to be an epidemic of plagiarism in schools: the rather complex point of "You can use this material, synthesize it, play with it, refer to it, expand on it ... but it still isn't yours" is apparently lost on a lot of people.

The lines are still open, people! Ask away.

Comments

[rainbow-goddess.livejournal.com]

(1) As a full-time parent with a full-time job, how do you fit "me" time in?

(2) Looking back over your life so far, what, if anything, do you wish you'd done differently?

(3) Lots of people seem to have the idea that two-parent families are "better" for children. How would you respond to people who criticize single parents?

(4) Following up to question (3), the same people would probably argue that a boy needs a male parent/role model. Do you think this is important, and if you do, how do you find male role models for Isaac?

(5) Last time I did a question meme in your journal, you said that before you became a parent you didn't realize how much sleep you would lose when you became a parent. How's your sleep these days?

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

1. Mostly I don't. Sometimes my mom will take Isaac for a bit on the weekends. I keep saying I'm going to have our babysitter take him so I can go see a movie, but so far it hasn't happened. I get most of my "me time" in snatches during the workday -- e.g. on my lunch break -- and at night after Isaac goes to bed.

2. A lot of little things, but nothing major.

3. My standard response is that it's great for any child to have as many loving parents as possible, but I would rather a child have just one dedicated, loving parent than two parents who bicker and fight -- as often ends up happening when people stay in a marriage "for the kids' sake."

4. I do think male role models are important. Right now Isaac doesn't see many men on a regular basis, but there are a few guys I know who are friends and who will hopefully take an interest. For example, our babysitter's husband, who was my brother's Little League coach, and hopefully will be Isaac's too.

5. The sleep situation is much better. Isaac now generally sleeps through the night in his crib, which means I have the bed to myself which is nice. I enjoy sleeping with him, but it's not as restful. The trouble I have now is that after I put him down in his crib, I tend to stay up later than I should, because I'm trying to get in a bit more of that "me time." Right now, for example, I really should be asleep!

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

Have I mentioned, by the way, that Isaac is adorable?