mildly ranty
Mar. 7th, 2002 02:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanI have PMS. I'm feeling quite bitchy today, plus my breasts hurt. Sometime in the next few days, I expect to start having severe cramps.
But you know what? That's no excuse.
It's my opinion that women who use PMS as an excuse for bitchiness or unpleasant behavior are being irresponsible and selfish, and giving us all a bad name. But before I get too ranty, let me disclaim that I'm not talking about those who get truly serious PMS, the kind that's akin to clinical depression, the kind that requires actual medical intervention (and/or the kind that involves cramps so severe they are literally incapacitating). I realize that for some women PMS is actually a seriously debilitating medical condition, and those women are explicitly excluded from my ranting herein.
Having said that, the thing is, I know a few women who really take it to an extreme of using PMS as an excuse to vent the feelings that at other times they keep under control. This is the kind of thing where, for example, the first thing out of her mouth will be "I'm PMSing today so watch out," and the sense you get from that statement is, "I may say or do something really rude to you today, but I don't have to apologize, because the hormones made me do it."
Dude. Okay, I do get some severe irritability some months, and today was an excellent example. Things that normally would be mildly annoying sent me flying into a tooth-grinding, near-hyperventilating rage. In a weekly status meeting with my boss and the one other member of our department, I picked up the scissors from my boss's desk and started toying with them, pretty much without realizing, but causing the men in the room to look at me cautiously and back away. ;) At lunch a coworker asked why I was so pissy today (and then accused me of providing TMI when I told him. Hey, you asked!).
But my point is, I control it. I feel that anger bubbling up and I say to myself, "Self, your anger is valid, but hormones are intensifying it, so try to chill." I take deep breaths. I do my best to restrain any actual outward expression of my anger, aside from the usual degree of biting sarcasm that everyone expects from me anyway. ;) And on the occasions when I can't control it and wind up snapping at someone, I swallow my pride and apologize later. (I don't want to paint myself as some kind of saint in this regard, because truthfully I can be quick to anger and slow to apologize afterward, but I make a special effort when PMS is involved. To control it, to channel it; to resist the temptation to give in to it.)
So, I have a lot of trouble feeling sympathetic for women who seem to use PMS as their excuse, or their crutch. Whether she's using it to garner sympathy -- "I have terrible cramps, boo hoo" (we all get cramps, honey, it's part of being a chick, learn to deal) -- or to escape responsibility for her bitchiness, either way it is wrong. IMO. And also IMO, it sets the cause of feminism (or gender equality, if you don't like the loaded term) back. It demeans us all, in fact, by playing into the chauvinistic stereotype of women being at the mercy of their hormones and their emotions.
But you know what? That's no excuse.
It's my opinion that women who use PMS as an excuse for bitchiness or unpleasant behavior are being irresponsible and selfish, and giving us all a bad name. But before I get too ranty, let me disclaim that I'm not talking about those who get truly serious PMS, the kind that's akin to clinical depression, the kind that requires actual medical intervention (and/or the kind that involves cramps so severe they are literally incapacitating). I realize that for some women PMS is actually a seriously debilitating medical condition, and those women are explicitly excluded from my ranting herein.
Having said that, the thing is, I know a few women who really take it to an extreme of using PMS as an excuse to vent the feelings that at other times they keep under control. This is the kind of thing where, for example, the first thing out of her mouth will be "I'm PMSing today so watch out," and the sense you get from that statement is, "I may say or do something really rude to you today, but I don't have to apologize, because the hormones made me do it."
Dude. Okay, I do get some severe irritability some months, and today was an excellent example. Things that normally would be mildly annoying sent me flying into a tooth-grinding, near-hyperventilating rage. In a weekly status meeting with my boss and the one other member of our department, I picked up the scissors from my boss's desk and started toying with them, pretty much without realizing, but causing the men in the room to look at me cautiously and back away. ;) At lunch a coworker asked why I was so pissy today (and then accused me of providing TMI when I told him. Hey, you asked!).
But my point is, I control it. I feel that anger bubbling up and I say to myself, "Self, your anger is valid, but hormones are intensifying it, so try to chill." I take deep breaths. I do my best to restrain any actual outward expression of my anger, aside from the usual degree of biting sarcasm that everyone expects from me anyway. ;) And on the occasions when I can't control it and wind up snapping at someone, I swallow my pride and apologize later. (I don't want to paint myself as some kind of saint in this regard, because truthfully I can be quick to anger and slow to apologize afterward, but I make a special effort when PMS is involved. To control it, to channel it; to resist the temptation to give in to it.)
So, I have a lot of trouble feeling sympathetic for women who seem to use PMS as their excuse, or their crutch. Whether she's using it to garner sympathy -- "I have terrible cramps, boo hoo" (we all get cramps, honey, it's part of being a chick, learn to deal) -- or to escape responsibility for her bitchiness, either way it is wrong. IMO. And also IMO, it sets the cause of feminism (or gender equality, if you don't like the loaded term) back. It demeans us all, in fact, by playing into the chauvinistic stereotype of women being at the mercy of their hormones and their emotions.
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Planting the flag on mons veneris
Date: 2002-03-07 04:19 pm (UTC)Which makes me wonder a) Is pms a chick-only sport? and b) does this play into the theory that exercise helps pms? Maybe exercise doesn't really help pms so much as it gives the women involved something else in common to talk about.
I also have a theory that a lot of women still think they have to be extremely nice all the time. It's not something that I can pull off, so I don't even try--at any time in my cycle. But if I did, I'd burn for the excuse of pms, steroidal medication, stubbed toes, anything that gave me license to swear now and again. I think the world needs more women to own their own bitchiness. There's some Ani DeFranco song with the lines, "Just give up and admit you're an asshole./ You would be in some good company / and I think you'd find your friends would forgive you. / Or maybe I'm just speaking for me."
Your comment about the scissors reminds me of a time when I was living with a couple of guys. One night I decided the kitchen knives needed sharpening, so I grabbed 6 or 7 of them out of the messy kitchen and found the whetstone, sat down in the livingroom, and got to work. One of my roommates walked into the room, stopped, turned around and left. A couple of minutes later he came in with the other roommate. They sat down way on the otherside of the room and said, very cautiously, "Um . . . is everything all right?" I, shrugged, said, "sure," and they went away.
After I finished I went back to the kitchen to wash the oil off the knives--and the kitchen was spotless. ;-)