No pity, no shame, no silence.

[mamajoan]

I mostly post this here for those on my flist who might not have seen it go by yet, and might get some good out of it.

No pity, no shame, no silence.

My story of sexual abuse seems kind of lame in comparison to some of those y'all are telling. In sixth, seventh, and eighth grades I was in a special school for the gifted, or whatever they were calling "extra-smart kids" those days. There were two or three boys in my class who took a particular pleasure in tormenting me. One time they chased me into the girls' bathroom, actually followed me in, and some form of inappropriate touching took place.

I can't provide any more detail than that because I don't actually remember it. I remember a lot of the non-sexual tormenting that they did (stuff like pouring paint-water into my school bag, stealing money, calling me names) but not the touching. I only know it happened because my mom told me about it, a few years ago when I mentioned those boys and their bullying.

It distresses me that I don't remember the rest, because I like to think of myself as the kind of person who is honest and up-front with herself; but I wasn't that kind of person back then, I guess, and for the sake of my younger self it's probably better off that I don't have those memories. The memories of the name-calling and so forth are bad enough.

Did the boys get punished? I know that they did in some way, and by eighth grade (according to my memory) the tormenting had pretty much stopped. I'm sure that whatever punishment they got was ridiculously lenient by today's standards, but whatever. It doesn't really matter now.

My utmost respect and admiration goes to all those of you who have suffered sexual abuse, whether you choose to talk about it or not.

Comments

[mishaslair.livejournal.com]

I experienced something similar where I intellectually knew that something had happened to me when I was 9 or 10 years old, but I had no active memories of it until six or seven years ago. I don't think it was so much a matter of self-honesty as my psyche being unable to handle the emotions attached to the event. When they did finally come up, it was incredibly intense. As an adult, it was difficult to deal with. I can't imagine trying to deal with it as a child.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I recognize that the self-honesty thing is irrational, and I think I'm more at peace with the repression now than I was when I first found out about it. But it still troubles me when I think about it.

[xochiquetzl]

*hugs* It's not lame.

My utmost respect and admiration goes to all those of you who have suffered sexual abuse, whether you choose to talk about it or not.

What you said. Right back to you.

[rainbow-goddess.livejournal.com]

Thanks for telling your story, and no, it's not "lame."
I had something similar happen to me when I was 13, and I was told something along the lines of "boys will be boys" when I reported it to the school principal. The boy wasn't punished.