loneliness
Feb. 27th, 2002 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanI'm listening to the new (used) Simon & Garfunkel "Collected Works" cd set that I just got on ebay. (I had all their stuff on cassette, but I lost the tape that had most of my fave songs, so I went out and bought the cd.)
Along comes the song, "A Most Peculiar Man." It's a melancholy song and it made me start thinking about being lonely. In the song, the guy kills himself because he has no life and no friends ... and everyone goes, "oh that's too bad, but he was pretty weird, wasn't he?" The implication, although not explicitly stated in the song, is that he lay there dead in his apartment for a while before anyone noticed.
In my more pessimistic moments I can see my death happening that way. Not that I would kill myself, but that, if by accident my apartment flooded with carbon monoxide or something, it could be a while before anyone noticed, and a lot of people would sort of shrug and go, like in the song, "what a shame that she's dead, but, wasn't she a most peculiar woman?"
I know this isn't really true. Plenty of people would notice if I randomly didn't show up to work/social events/chorus rehearsals. And plenty of people would be upset. And I'm not as friendless and alone in the world as the peculiar man in the song, who "wasn't friendly and he didn't care." But, I do have times when I feel alone. Mostly, in the lack-of-nookie sense. I have moments, like today, when I really think, "god, I *need* a lover." And it's not just about sex (although of course it's about sex). It's about cuddling and holding hands and doing regular stuff together. Sure, I do stuff with friends, but you know, Not The Same.
Arrghh, I sound so whiny. I hate it when I sound like this. And most of the time I'm okay with being single. But dammit, there are days.
Note to self: buy carbon-monoxide detector for apartment.
Along comes the song, "A Most Peculiar Man." It's a melancholy song and it made me start thinking about being lonely. In the song, the guy kills himself because he has no life and no friends ... and everyone goes, "oh that's too bad, but he was pretty weird, wasn't he?" The implication, although not explicitly stated in the song, is that he lay there dead in his apartment for a while before anyone noticed.
In my more pessimistic moments I can see my death happening that way. Not that I would kill myself, but that, if by accident my apartment flooded with carbon monoxide or something, it could be a while before anyone noticed, and a lot of people would sort of shrug and go, like in the song, "what a shame that she's dead, but, wasn't she a most peculiar woman?"
I know this isn't really true. Plenty of people would notice if I randomly didn't show up to work/social events/chorus rehearsals. And plenty of people would be upset. And I'm not as friendless and alone in the world as the peculiar man in the song, who "wasn't friendly and he didn't care." But, I do have times when I feel alone. Mostly, in the lack-of-nookie sense. I have moments, like today, when I really think, "god, I *need* a lover." And it's not just about sex (although of course it's about sex). It's about cuddling and holding hands and doing regular stuff together. Sure, I do stuff with friends, but you know, Not The Same.
Arrghh, I sound so whiny. I hate it when I sound like this. And most of the time I'm okay with being single. But dammit, there are days.
Note to self: buy carbon-monoxide detector for apartment.
