random car funnies

[mamajoan]

Every time I see a Mercury Mystique car, I think of a guy I used to work with, who was kind of a car geek, and who spoke quite derisively when his mom bought such a car. "Why would you buy a car whose name sounds so much like "Mistake"?" is his phrase that sticks in my mind. And, you know, he had a point. It's not quite as bad as Chevy trying to sell the Nova in Mexico, but still, what were the Mercury people thinking? I realize that in some marketing dweeb's mind the implication is "driving this car imparts an alluring mystique unto the consumer," but to me what it really says is "this car is confusing." I mean, the last thing I want to hear from my mechanic is "Gee, there's a real aura of mystique about this engine. I got no clue how to fix it." (Do mechanics say "Gee" in the 21st century?)

Also on the topic of cars, today en route to work I was behind a minivan that had on its rear, along with the make and model and all that, the word "Sport." I'm sorry, but no. The word "Sport" does not belong on a minivan. Earth to soccer mom: using a vehicle to drive the kids and their gear to and from practice does not make said vehicle a sports car. Wake up and smell the adulthood.

The minivan problem is pernicious, though. A couple weeks ago I was stuck in traffic and heard that annoying sound of rap music being played WAY too loudly. I always hate it when people try to forcibly share their musical tastes with me, but in this case I was kind of amused to note that it was coming from a minivan driven by a young (possibly teenaged) Hispanic guy whose expression seemed to say, in addition to the usual "you suck and I hate you" message that is de rigueur for that age, that he was deeply mortified to be driving his mom's minivan but could not help it because his regular car (possibly a Mercury MistakeMystique) was in the shop.

In other random car-related amusingness, recently I saw a car whose owner had carefully rearranged the alma mater sticker in the rear window to say "Unichusetts of Massaversity." Hee!

Speaking of car stickers, my mom acquired a bumper sticker that says "W - Let's Not Elect Him In 2004 Either." Personally, I prefer the corollary sticker, "Re-Elect Gore in 2004." Not that I actually want Gore elected this year; I just think it's funnier and more concise.

Recently a cute chick in the car behind me waved and gave me the thumbs-up, pointing at my bumper stickers. I can't be entirely sure whether she was expressing approval of "Without Dissent It's Not America," "Teach Peace," or "My Goddess Gave Birth To Your God," or some combination thereof; but later she passed me and I saw that her car bore several anti-war stickers, so I'm guessing it was probably the first and/or second. (How does one hit on someone driving another car, anyway? Is there a hand signal or combination of signal lights that means "Hey baby, wanna pull over?"?)

Comments

[mishaslair.livejournal.com]

How does one hit on someone driving another car, anyway? Is there a hand signal or combination of signal lights that means "Hey baby, wanna pull over?"?

Hee! I actually have a friend who was picked up while driving on the highway. She and the guy sort of gave each other flirting glances for a little while, then he signalled his cell phone number to her by holding up fingers for the corresponding numbers. So she called him up and they talked until they both exited the highway. They ended up dating for several months.

Another one

[jrosehale.livejournal.com]

I used to amuse/annoy my niece when we'd see Ford Aspires.

"Do you know why they call it an Aspire?"

(obligatory pause for punchline)

"Because it's aspiring to be a real car!"

(mandatory aunt laughing and niece eye-rolling)

I also don't get the Toyota (?) Echo. Isn't an echo an insubstantial approximation of the real thing?

[glamsith.livejournal.com]

Since all the Merc Mystiques I've ever seen have been RC Cola blue, I thought the name was to suggest it it'd always look cool where ever you were and that driving it was as close as you were ever gonna get to a goregous naked blue chick.

And it'll re-grow your hair, flatten your tummy, and do away with unsightly double-agents!!

My former commute often put me behind a black rabbit with a DRTH VDR lisence plate and/or a mini van with a Jedi Academy window sticker. Can I tell you how much I love my Sith Academy decal?

[illusorytruths.livejournal.com]

*shrug* I'm kinda a minor car geek myself, who is in the unenviable position of driving a Mediocre Mistake (which is dark red, thank you very much). Here's a quick sum of all the mechanicals I've had in the past oh, 20k miles or so...
-bent brake caliper causing tire pressure problems...money to repair
-dead thermostat, more money to repair
-dead catalyst, "check engine" light always on. not repaired.
-leaking trunk seal, trunk either full of a puddle or a mini ice lake and thus unusable. not repaired.
-worn out tie rod and bearing on two different wheels. money to replace.
-defective replacement tie rod. money to replace.
-blown fuse relay for rear-window defroster. money to replace and a week unable to defrost my rear window in the middle of early winter.
-persistent leak of engine coolant, leading to the car refusing to start cleanly or stay running in anything approaching a normal interval of time. hours spent checking every connection in the cooling system until loose connection was found.
-blown head gasket

The only thing in the car that works properly is the stereo, and that's because it's my own and I installed it myself. Of course, when I turn the volume up too high or adjust the bass above a certain point, the headlights pulse in time to the bass line of whatever I'm listening to. Nifty, yes. Safe, no.

In conclusion, I would advise anyone who cares at all about their own personal and economic safety to spend money to keep these cars far, far away from themselves. I won't even begin to list my complaints with the car's actual performance, either. Honestly, I'd be willing to pay someone to take it off my hands. Except then I'd have no car, which is slightly worse, living where I do.

Oh, and before the Mistake, I drove a minivan. I loved it. Tons of low-end torque, space to jam in a fistful of people and then some, and I always had the rear bench out and one of my bikes and a mess of camping/backpacking gear in its place. So nyah. =p

[retch.livejournal.com]

I actually liked my Mercury Mystique that I had before it got killed last year in a car accident. Now that I'm used to the Honda Civic I got as a replacement, I probably wouldn't buy another Mercury, but still, when I had it, I liked it.

bumper stickers

[lizr.livejournal.com]

I used to work for a college radio station that had been taken over by the administration and changed from a student run and student programmed station (everything from punk to classical) to a classical ONLY radio station where students were allowed to work.

Their bumper sticker read "My radio for the arts."

Mine said "My radio farts."