overdue...

[mamajoan]

I haven't updated in a while! Been so busy, etc....

Overall, things are going pretty well. The colicky episodes have slowed to a trickle or even stopped (it's a little hard to tell sometimes), which is (understatement alert) nice. Isaac is growing well, and becoming a lot more interactive -- watching faces and responding to them, spending a lot of time looking around and making happy noises, and even smiling more and more frequently, which of course is the cutest thing ever. ;)

There is one point of frustration, which is sleep. For some reason he almost always refuses, or is unable, to sleep in his crib (or the porta-crib my mom bought for her place). No matter how tired he is -- and we can see on his poor little face that he's worn out -- and no matter how thoroughly asleep he falls in our arms, as soon as we put him in the crib he wakes up and starts screaming.

Adding to the frustration are the mixed messages we get from our caregivers. At his two-month checkup, his pediatrician told me that I should let him "cry it out," and that if I was only waiting through five or so minutes of crying before I picked him, I wasn't waiting long enough. I should go up to 20 minutes, she said. So mom and I have tried this, but it is the hardest thing ever to listen to your baby scream for 20 minutes and not do anything. :(

So then last week I called again, and spoke to the nurse who works in our ped's office. *She* said that at ten weeks of age a baby shouldn't be made to "cry it out" and that we should pick him up and comfort him as soon as he starts crying. She gave a couple of suggestions for how to get him to sleep in the crib without crying, including putting him on his side instead of his back, which we've been trying with only moderate success. Sigh.

Anyway, so I'm confused and frustrated by this conflicting advice. It would be one thing if the two different instructions came from two unrelated parties -- I realize there's a lot of disagreement on the sleep issue within the child-care community -- but when they come from a doctor and that doctor's nurse, two people who you'd think would have compatible philosophies, it's confusing. Frankly, my inclination is to not let him "cry it out," because it's too hard for me, but on the other hand, we can't hold him ALL the time, and it seems reasonable to think that once he falls asleep in my arms I should be able to put him down and have him keep sleeping. (He sleeps fine in his bouncy-chair or his swing, so why not his crib? Argh!)

Anyway, so that's frustrating and difficult to handle (especially late at night), but otherwise things are going pretty well. I can't say I'm looking forward to returning to work a mere ten days from now, but, well, one's gotta pay the bills.

And in two days we leave for Worldcon in Toronto!! Yay! :) I'm especially excited because my Worldcon-going buddies Laura and Ariana, two of the best chicks to go conning with, and my Worldcon hotel roommates for the past four years or so, are getting married there on Wednesday. Yay to the Canadian government for letting American queers get married as well as Canadian! Isaac's first wedding! I'm so excited. :) I'm a little nervous about being in a strange city with Isaac and not having my mom around to help and all that, but I think we'll manage, and it'll be fun. I just have to remember, as my mom keeps telling me, not to push myself too much, and to take lots of naps, or at least rest-breaks.

Anyone else here planning to go to Worldcon? retch? Bueller?

Comments

[ww1614.livejournal.com]

Doctors and nurses in the same office do not necessarily agree. After I gave birth to E, I took baths in the hospital with the encouragement of my midwives and the nurses on the floor. When I got home and then couldn't walk for 3 weeks (insert long obviously-not-over-it rant here) and called the midwives' office and asked if taking a bath might help, the nurse there told me I should under no circumstances take a bath!

A few suggestions: swaddle that kid. Wrap him up tight like a burrito. Then put him to sleep, on his side or back. The swing or bouncy seat may make him feel more swaddled and that will make him feel more secure and able to sleep.

Also, he is probably sitting upright there and horizontal in the crib. If that's the case, then maybe it's his reflux acting up, and he's getting acid/discomfort when he's horizontal. In that case, he may always happier upright till the reflux goes away. I know plenty of people who put their kids to sleep in car seats/swings/strollers for several weeks/months, and it didn't ruin their children for life, so do what you have to do to get that kid to sleep. Once you get some good sleep, you'll be able to think things through more clearly.

After two kids, I have come to believe that a lot of this stuff is developmental and unique to each child. There is no one right answer, some of the difficulties have to be borne until they go away, and the best you can do is keep trying stuff and realize that some of it may work, some may not, and some will work sometimes and not other times.

I'm e-ing you my new number if you want ideas or just to vent.

[ismenia.livejournal.com]

Actually I remember one of my aunts saying that wrapping a baby up makes them feel secure because it's a bit like being in the womb.

[kenboy.livejournal.com]

We got a copy of Ferber's book, which is basically all about letting them cry it out, not so much because we'd decided that was for sure the way to go, but because we wanted to understand that philosophy. We learned one really important thing from that book, and it might apply in your case:

Babies fall asleep initially in a very heavy state of sleep. By the time you move them, they're entering a lighter stage, and the action of putting the little guy down tends to, more often than not, wake him up -- and when he wakes, the first thing he sees is that he's not where he was when he closed his eyes.

So, essentially, we decided the key was to try putting Nate in his crib or bassinet before he was too exhausted, and while he was still awake. He did cry, and I know they said to let it go 20 minutes (actually, if I remember correctly, Ferber advocates a lengthening period of time, starting at five minutes the first night, and eventually going as long as 20 or so) -- but Nate rarely went more than 5 or 10 when we put him to bed awake.

Good luck!

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice. I do realize (and our pediatrician has said) that it would be a good idea to start putting Isaac down while still partly awake, so he can learn to put himself to sleep, but part of the problem with his not-fully-developed digestive system is that he spits up a lot, especially if put down too soon after eating. So we get into this thing where we feed him, then we hold him upright for a while, and then he falls asleep because he's so cozy, and then we put him down and he cries. It's tough to know how to deal with this one since he does get very uncomfortable with reflux and such if he's put flat too soon after eating. :(

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

I think it would certainly be good for Isaac to get some experience putting himself to sleep, but I think your pediatrician is on crack for recommending you let a two-month-old cry it out, and I think you should find another pediatrician. Fucking eh.

We used Ferber on Ilana at about 10.5 mos, when we just couldn't take it anymore, and it worked like a charm. She never cried longer than 15 mins, usually not more than 10. I don't know how early I'd start if I had another kid... maybe 7-8 mos? But even with Ferber, you have to use your gut: if the cries seem to be escalating rather than winding down, then it's not going to work, and you're going to wind up with a hysterical kid. There's a difference between helping your kid learn how to put him/herself to sleep, and punishing the kid for not doing what you want, when you want.

I know, it sucks. Each kid is a puzzle you have to figure out, with no instructions or key. You just have to keep trying things until you find something that works. :-(

[sydb42.livejournal.com]

I agree with the nurse that 10 weeks is too young for him to "cry it out". Something I had (have) to keep reminding myself, especially when my daughter was that young, that I need to follow what *I* think is right. Follow your instincts...if they're telling you to pick him up, do it.

As for getting him to go to sleep on his own, I agree with what another person said about bundling him. We always wrapped my daughter in a receiving blanket before putting her to bed (she was born in July, so we just turned the air conditioner a little lower so she wouldn't get too hot). I think it did make her feel more secure to be swaddled like that...almost like she was being held or, like another person said, maybe that it felt like she was still in the womb. We stopped swaddling her around the time she started rolling over fairly often, if I remember correctly. By then, she was also pretty good at getting herself back to sleep with only a little fussing/crying (less than a minute, usually).

Hope this helps..

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

yeah, we had stopped bundling/swaddling him because it has been sooo hot lately (and we don't have AC). But we will definitely try it again now that the weather is cooling down.

[victoriacatlady.livejournal.com]

Is there any reason you shouldn't just let him sleep in his bouncy-chair or his swing? Is it dangerous?

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

No, it's not particularly dangerous, it's just that you want him to learn to be able to sleep in his bed. Quite soon he'll outgrow the chair and swing, and anyway you don't want him to become an adult who's incapable of sleeping while horizontal!

[retch.livejournal.com]

no WorldCon for girgirl and me, we were at BurningMan. hope you had a great time!