You know how the utility hookup people or the appliance fixit people or the package delivery people, whatever, always say they'll be at your house between noon and four? And then they show up at 5:30?
Well, here's the thing. Their shift started at noon, which is why they said "between noon and 4," right? And their other jobs took a while which is why they didn't get to you till much later. So that means there must be SOME people whose servicepeople always arrive at noon. Right??
So how come you never hear about that? How come you never hear, "Well, they said between noon and four, so they showed up at twelve-oh-three, and by twelve-thirty my toilet was fixed and I was free to get on with my day. Whee! La-di-dah, life is good!"?
I have a theory, and my theory is this: There's a master list somewhere, of people who are allowed to get their services right at noon. It's all, "Go to these people first, every time." And those people are so blithely clueless, they don't even realize that the rest of us suckers are sitting around steaming and going, "They said noon to four! I've been sitting around since eleven-thirty! I haven't even taken my shower! I was afraid to eat for fear that the chewing noise would prevent me from hearing the doorbell!"
The service-at-noon-getting-people live in an alternate reality, is my basic point. When the rest of us are griping and commisserating around the water cooler ("Your cable got hooked up two days late? That sucks! I remember the time when..."), the service-at-noon-getting-people are frowning gently in confusion as they sashay by on the way to pick up their documents from the printer. (Their print jobs always get bumped to the head of the queue too.)
I hate those assholes. They suck.
This message has been brought to you by UPS ("How can Brown make you waste all of today?") and their alleged 2-to-5 delivery window. It's now 4:57 and counting..........
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