Isaac is eleven!

[mamajoan]

As usual I forgot to post here on his actual birthday, which was last Wednesday, but in any case -- Isaac turned 11! Somehow 11 feels so much older than 10, I dunno. I think I remember thinking that when he went from 7 to 8 also. That stuff is all so arbitrary and subjective, of course.

I keep remembering when I was first starting to think about doing this mom thing, and I commented that I couldn't imagine myself as the mom of a teenager, and a wise friend (though now I don't remember whom) pointed out that you don't just magically become the mom of some random teenager overnight, so to speak. ;) You grow into it, and when the time does come, it's not a random teenager but a kid whom you've molded and guided into the person that he/she is, a kid you have history with, a kid you know better than anyone else. Well, whoever it was said it more eloquently back then, but in any case, I found it comforting.

And it's certainly true, that I can't really imagine myself as the mom of a random 11-year-old, but as the mom of 11-year-old Isaac, well, that part is pretty easy. :) Although I love babies and miss having them around, and always thought that I'd find older kids less interesting overall ;) , I must say that I'm really enjoying Isaac at this age. He's old enough that we can share some jokes and conversations and experiences on a higher level; I can explain stuff and see him really getting it and integrating it into his worldview; we share a sense of humor. We've been able to enjoy watching some of my favorite movies and TV shows together (recently we watched Beetlejuice, Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog, and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and he's starting to get into Buffy!). There's a lot that he can do for himself (I have got to write another post about the gradual expansion of Isaac's independence in the world) but yet a lot that he still wants me to do, and he's still a "little kid" in some sweet ways, e.g. the way he doesn't like to go upstairs to his bedroom at night until Ruthie and I are going up to her room also. He's just the right size for me to hug, and he's still willing to let me hug him (and even hug me back, unless his friends are watching ;) ), and he cares about my opinion and mostly tries not to roll his eyes at how clueless I am. ;) He makes great jokes and commentary and unexpected connections that make me laugh or think. He came to me the other day with a question about something someone had said that he wanted to know "was this racist?" and we had a good conversation about racism and the subtleties of language. I love that stuff.

Just in the past couple of weeks he has started calling me "mom," and although he had been calling me "mommy" for a couple of years now, I still haven't really accepted that I'm not "mama" any more. I don't know why both kids suddenly switched from "mama" to "mommy" against my will...but now Isaac is going for "mom" and I'm having even more difficulty adjusting to that one! Sometimes I don't respond because it didn't register for me that he was calling me, heh. Somehow I feel like going from "mama" to "mommy" was something I could live with, but going from there to "mom" is really giving me those "oh no my baby is growing up" sad twinges!

(...And in this space I just typed a long digression about how the Little League playoff schedule interferes with Isaac's birthday every dang year and how I keep vowing to plan ahead for it better, but never seem to succeed. I removed that because it was kind of detracting from the "being Isaac's mom is awesome" theme of this post. :) The short version: it's hard to plan a birthday celebration at this time of year because the baseball schedule gets so complicated and last-minute-y. But somehow we'll figure something out.)

Anyway...so Isaac is eleven and that's pretty awesome. I don't mean to make it sound like he's the perfect kid...well maybe I do ;) but he isn't, of course, but he's pretty great. I'm in no rush for him to hit teenagerdom, but of course, it'll be here before we know it. I'm sure it will be fine...she said quixotically... ;)

And now the obligatory picture :) This is from a trip to Cape Cod a couple of weekends ago. I caught Isaac just as he turned around from chucking a stone over the cliff into the ocean... :)

Comments

[peterchayward.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! That's so cool - I can't believe I've been following this kid's story his whole life. 11 years now!

11 is such a wonderful age - I'd love to hear more stories about how he's really becoming his own person, like the racism thing, or him starting to watch Buffy. So awesome!

Are you finding that now the kids are at a relatively self-sustaining age (when compared to being babies, at least) that you have more time to yourself, or is there essentially no difference?

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

I know, it is crazy/fun for me to think that people who read my LJ have been following Isaac since before he was born! Though I suspect he would be less than thrilled to learn that. ;) He already hates when I post stuff about him on Facebook; he doesn't know that LJ exists, but it would be mean of me to use that as an excuse to post all his private stuff here... ;)

Time to myself? well yes -- that definitely happens, just because they're old enough now that I don't have to hover over every activity and do everything for them. I get to sleep in on weekend mornings now, and they just get up and watch tv on their own. They can get their own snacks and such, although Isaac mostly doesn't because he's too lazy ;) but he could. And they do pretty much entertain themselves (and each other) so I don't have to be too hands-on, although I LIKE doing stuff with them too of course. But it is nice to be able to, e.g., make dinner or whatever and not worry about what they're up to.

Still, with older kids also come more complex social problems and parenting challenges. I mean with a baby there's a limited number of things that can go wrong; sometimes a baby cries for no discernible reason and that can be really frustrating, but in retrospect, looking back on it, baby problems are easy in comparison to tween problems....

[mogwar.livejournal.com]

The discussion of racism story sounds awesome. I love seeing kids expand their understanding of the world around them like that. (And I could handle going from mommy to mom, but I'm having a hard time adjusting to my sixteen year old only calling me mother. I kinda miss mom.)

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

Yikes, mother sounds so dry and dispassionate somehow. I seem to recall that I called my mom "mommy" until well into my late teens!

[mogwar.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure he does it at least in part because he knows it bothers me. And it's the sort of minor rebellion he feels safe engaging in, trying to signal his independence. Sort of saying, "I get to choose what to call you, and this sort of thing isn't up to you anymore." And, because much of our conversations right now revolve around how incredibly uncool I am (he's constantly complaining about the radio stations I play in the car). Which I really think is just more teenage posturing. But it really is irritating. Which I keep telling myself is completely developmentally appropriate and not just an attempt to drive me insane. (Most of the time he's a pretty good kid, but there are just a few little things like this that we seem to constantly clash over - although I've completely surrendered in the "mother" battle. I'm just happy he's talking to me at all.)

[lapenn.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you're doing a great job too :-) And your kid -- what a head of hair!

You never know if they'll transition back, name-wise. I called my mother mom for most of my teen years, but I call her mama often now (maybe because I miss her? I see my parents 2x a year most of the time).

I'm also interested in Peter's question -- do you find having kids at this age less overwhelming than the young kid stage? Most of my friends who have kids are in the 2-6 age range, and they keep warning me how the kids have taken over their life. I'm due in two weeks (I think you know this? most of the info is on my blog -- penn.typepad.com), and a bit nervous, but I remember gradually transitioning out from being so connected to my parents. I wonder what your thoughts are on that.

[mamajoan.livejournal.com]

I know, the hair, right? Even when he consents to getting it cut, he only lets them trim it a little bit, and barely at all over the eyes. I always say "but it will grow back so fast" but he still doesn't want them trimming it too high on his forehead. I keep thinking that the hot summer weather will make him want to go back to short hair, but honestly, I don't know if I'd recognize him with short hair any more. ;)

I didn't realize you were so close! how exciting! I answered Peter's question above, but as for overwhelming...definitely not nearly as much now as in the first few years. I feel WAY more confident in myself and my parenting at this point, although like I said above, there are new and more complex/subtle challenges to face (interpersonal drama with kid friendships; negotiating all of the independence stuff; lying; body image and self-esteem/sexuality; etc.) so in those senses, parenting an older kid is in some ways harder than a baby. On the other hand, when you have a baby you're exhausted and emotionally bruised and hormonally crazed and all of that. So it definitely gets better with time and experience.

[xochiquetzl]

Isaac is a great kid. I always enjoy seeing him (which, admittedly, isn't often).

[downwardlashes.livejournal.com]

I agree so much on the perceived difference between 10 and 11, and 7 and 8! Caspian is 8 now and I am pleasantly surprised to find that he's not suddenly "a big kid".
The mama/mommy/mom thing is so strange. I nipped it in the bud, accidentally, with Caspian. I think he was 4 when he tried to switch to "mommy" and I was thrown off and said, "Who is this mommy person??" and we all laughed and Caspian looked embarrassed and went back to "mama", and I'm still mama to him. But when Zinnia reached that same age, she switched to "mommy" and I noticed but didn't say anything. Just felt a little sad. I'm not good at embracing change. ;)

[algernon-mouse.livejournal.com]

Count me in as one of those people reading about Isaac for 11 years now. And I can relate to the shock of transitioning from mommy to mom - so weird.