The old switcheroo
Dec. 7th, 2012 12:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanI realized today that Ruthie has pulled a giant bait-and-switch on me.
Last spring Ruthie saw pictures of several of her friends in their "show leotards" for end-of-year dance recitals. This made her want to take dance lessons, which of course really means that she wanted a leotard and tutu and ballet shoes, but whatever; I signed her up for a combination ballet and jazz dance class for the fall. None of her friends who took dance last year were taking it in the fall, but she said she wanted to do it anyway, and she seemed to enjoy it, at least for the first few classes.
Of course, this meant Isaac and I had to sit around in the dance studio for an hour every Saturday morning, but I didn't mind that too much. It seemed fair enough, after three years of Ruthie being dragged to all of Isaac's Little League games, that he should be dragged to her activity once in a while. And Isaac and I both like to read, so we just brought books along.
But then there was signup for a weekly basketball clinic sort of thing, and Isaac is into basketball (really, he's into all the sports, except soccer) and a couple of his friends were doing it, so I signed him up for that. The basketball is 9-10:15 am whereas dance is 10-11, so that could be tricky, but I figured I'd be able to get Isaac taken care of by the aforementioned friends' parents, grandma, etc., and maybe sometimes he would just hang around for the basketball session after his. (He is in the 6-to-9-year-old group, and immediately afterward is the 10-to-14 group, which includes a couple of his friends who have just recently turned 10.) So I thought that would all work out nicely.
Except, then Ruthie started saying she didn't want to do dance any more. *facepalm*
I talked it over with her, and it came down to that she didn't enjoy dance because she isn't good at it. I have mixed feelings about that, which I'll get to in a moment. But I did decide to let her quit dance, especially because a) it was only paid on a monthly basis, so easy to cancel, unlike something where you have to pay for an entire semester, and b) there was a girls' basketball session at the same time as the boys', and she said she wanted to do that.
So, before signing her up for the girls' basketball, I took her to it and they let her do it without signing up (it's the city rec department; they are pretty casual about stuff), and after the first class -- nay, the first half of the first class -- she was saying she didn't want to do that either.
So now Isaac's doing basketball every Saturday morning, and I'm stuck trying to find Ruthie something to do to occupy her while Isaac does the thing that was supposed to occupy him during Ruthie's thing! Oy.
I am not sure what to do about Ruthie -- how to find an activity that she will actually stick with. Most of her problem is that she doesn't like having to pay attention to the teacher and do what the teacher wants her to do, for a full hour. This was the issue in gymnastics when she did it two years ago; it was the issue in dance this fall and in basketball for that one class she did. I signed her up for these activities because she has so much physical energy and I wanted her to have an opportunity to move her body around -- but she just wants to move her body around, not follow prescribed ways of moving, and certainly not learn anything. ;) I am torn between feeling like a) this is totally valid and she should be free to move as she chooses, and b) following the teacher and learning the moves/skills and developing her abilities in a particular area is itself a skill that she really needs to learn. I'm concerned that if I let her try things and quit them too soon, too often, she will never get the experience of working hard at something and seeing herself improve. That takes patience ("practice makes perfect") and patience is hard. You get frustrated and want to quit, but you keep at it, and are rewarded eventually by developing mastery of the skills. I feel like this is not something that will come easily to Ruthie and I need to push/help her to work on it.
On the other hand, maybe ballet and jazz dance aren't the thing for that. Someone suggested competitive swimming, which might work out better since it's more of an individual thing and she does love to swim. But, I haven't been able to locate anywhere around here that does that. Maybe even just a swimming class. I'm not sure she would fare any better at that than the other "class" type activities, but who knows? I might look into it.
Of course, she could just not have an organized extracurricular activity at all. But I feel like it's good for kids to have something like that. And I'm still stuck with the problem of what to do with her during Isaac's basketball! Some younger siblings just sit quietly on the bleachers with their parents for the entire 75 minutes...yeah, mine is not a sitting-quietly type of girl.
Ahh, parenting. Always a new challenge -- often before you've finished figuring out the previous challenge. But Ruthie's issues with "fairness" and sensitivity to how her friends treat her, is a topic for another post....
Last spring Ruthie saw pictures of several of her friends in their "show leotards" for end-of-year dance recitals. This made her want to take dance lessons, which of course really means that she wanted a leotard and tutu and ballet shoes, but whatever; I signed her up for a combination ballet and jazz dance class for the fall. None of her friends who took dance last year were taking it in the fall, but she said she wanted to do it anyway, and she seemed to enjoy it, at least for the first few classes.
Of course, this meant Isaac and I had to sit around in the dance studio for an hour every Saturday morning, but I didn't mind that too much. It seemed fair enough, after three years of Ruthie being dragged to all of Isaac's Little League games, that he should be dragged to her activity once in a while. And Isaac and I both like to read, so we just brought books along.
But then there was signup for a weekly basketball clinic sort of thing, and Isaac is into basketball (really, he's into all the sports, except soccer) and a couple of his friends were doing it, so I signed him up for that. The basketball is 9-10:15 am whereas dance is 10-11, so that could be tricky, but I figured I'd be able to get Isaac taken care of by the aforementioned friends' parents, grandma, etc., and maybe sometimes he would just hang around for the basketball session after his. (He is in the 6-to-9-year-old group, and immediately afterward is the 10-to-14 group, which includes a couple of his friends who have just recently turned 10.) So I thought that would all work out nicely.
Except, then Ruthie started saying she didn't want to do dance any more. *facepalm*
I talked it over with her, and it came down to that she didn't enjoy dance because she isn't good at it. I have mixed feelings about that, which I'll get to in a moment. But I did decide to let her quit dance, especially because a) it was only paid on a monthly basis, so easy to cancel, unlike something where you have to pay for an entire semester, and b) there was a girls' basketball session at the same time as the boys', and she said she wanted to do that.
So, before signing her up for the girls' basketball, I took her to it and they let her do it without signing up (it's the city rec department; they are pretty casual about stuff), and after the first class -- nay, the first half of the first class -- she was saying she didn't want to do that either.
So now Isaac's doing basketball every Saturday morning, and I'm stuck trying to find Ruthie something to do to occupy her while Isaac does the thing that was supposed to occupy him during Ruthie's thing! Oy.
I am not sure what to do about Ruthie -- how to find an activity that she will actually stick with. Most of her problem is that she doesn't like having to pay attention to the teacher and do what the teacher wants her to do, for a full hour. This was the issue in gymnastics when she did it two years ago; it was the issue in dance this fall and in basketball for that one class she did. I signed her up for these activities because she has so much physical energy and I wanted her to have an opportunity to move her body around -- but she just wants to move her body around, not follow prescribed ways of moving, and certainly not learn anything. ;) I am torn between feeling like a) this is totally valid and she should be free to move as she chooses, and b) following the teacher and learning the moves/skills and developing her abilities in a particular area is itself a skill that she really needs to learn. I'm concerned that if I let her try things and quit them too soon, too often, she will never get the experience of working hard at something and seeing herself improve. That takes patience ("practice makes perfect") and patience is hard. You get frustrated and want to quit, but you keep at it, and are rewarded eventually by developing mastery of the skills. I feel like this is not something that will come easily to Ruthie and I need to push/help her to work on it.
On the other hand, maybe ballet and jazz dance aren't the thing for that. Someone suggested competitive swimming, which might work out better since it's more of an individual thing and she does love to swim. But, I haven't been able to locate anywhere around here that does that. Maybe even just a swimming class. I'm not sure she would fare any better at that than the other "class" type activities, but who knows? I might look into it.
Of course, she could just not have an organized extracurricular activity at all. But I feel like it's good for kids to have something like that. And I'm still stuck with the problem of what to do with her during Isaac's basketball! Some younger siblings just sit quietly on the bleachers with their parents for the entire 75 minutes...yeah, mine is not a sitting-quietly type of girl.
Ahh, parenting. Always a new challenge -- often before you've finished figuring out the previous challenge. But Ruthie's issues with "fairness" and sensitivity to how her friends treat her, is a topic for another post....
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no subject
Date: 2012-12-07 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-07 09:22 pm (UTC)But let's face it. Kids get LOTS of practice doing what people tell them to do. It's practically their whole lives. Everything from school to home. I don't think they *need* additional practice with that in the form of extra curricular activity.
As for working hard at something and getting better, it really has to be something the kid (person) is motivated to do. I had thought sports would help teach my kid that, but it turns out piano is doing a better job teaching her to make the connection between practice -> improvement. Ruthie's little. She may not have found that thing yet, or maybe she's doing it in areas that aren't the specific extra curricular activities she's tried. Sounds like she just wants to run and play and do her own thing. That's valuable, too. (Research even backs it up! :) )
no subject
Date: 2012-12-08 12:04 am (UTC)I know what you mean about fairness and sensitivity to how other kids are acting, though, when you get to that other post I will be sure to chime in and commiserate. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-12-08 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-11 06:23 am (UTC)