Test flights out of the nest
Apr. 20th, 2011 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamajoanYesterday we hit a big milestone -- Isaac's first independent consumer transaction! :) He went into a store and purchased an item all by himself, while I waited outside in the car!
In general, Isaac and I have been slowly increasing his independence lately. I believe strongly in the Free-Range Kids concept, which basically says that it's good, even necessary, to give kids some freedoms and opportunities for independent action. (Lenore Skenazy wrote the book on Free-Range Kids which I personally think should be required reading for all new parents.) Isaac can order his own food in a restaurant, he can cross the street, he goes into the men's restroom in public with no trouble, and he has even performed the mechanics of transactions -- giving the item to the cashier, then giving the money and receiving change -- with me there. But thus far we hadn't done anything that really involved me being entirely absent. The closest we have come is a few times at the crowded grocery store when I sent him to get an item from the next aisle over or similar. This works because I know the store well enough to describe to him where the item is, and he knows the item well enough to recognize it when he sees it; and of course, I stay where I am and watch for him to come back. He really likes those little excursions; they make him feel useful and mature, which of course is the whole point of free-ranging.
The idea of an actual physical separation came up a couple of months ago when Isaac was home sick one day and sleeping soundly, and Ruthie was at preschool, and we needed orange juice, and it occurred to me that I could probably walk to CVS (about a 5-minute walk from our house) and back while he was sleeping. It wasn't actually under serious consideration for that particular instance; I would never do it that way for his first time left home alone; he would certainly freak out if he woke up and found me gone, and as for waking him up to tell him I was going, well, that would defeat the whole purpose. (Not to mention it would equally freak him out, because he is definitely a kid who needs to take some time to mull over a new idea like that before he can be comfortable with it.) So I wasn't really thinking of doing it on that occasion, but the point was that it got me thinking along those lines. Later, I talked to him about it, and he agreed that if he were e.g. watching TV or playing Wii, it would be fine for me to go to CVS and back (taking Ruthie along -- or doing it when Ruthie is elsewhere, although that never really happens). He actually was fairly interested in trying it, and I said that maybe we would when the next opportunity presented itself. But thus far it hasn't.
So, fast-forward to yesterday, when we were in the car heading home from afterschool and I realized that we needed milk. I was tired and cranky and not in the mood to haul both kids into CVS, which always becomes a big production, what with the running away from me and the whining for junk food and so forth. I thought wistfully to myself how nice it would be if I could just leave them in the car while I ran into the store. (While I think they would probably be fine in such a scenario, I wouldn't do it at this point, if only for fear of getting in trouble if someone reported it or if a police officer noticed. :P )
Then it occurred to me that Isaac could go in and buy the milk, and I could stay in the car with Ruthie! Which made more sense given that Ruthie is the main troublemaker anyway ;) and getting her into/out of the carseat is half the trouble. She just manages to make the whole thing into such a big deal. *eyeroll*
So I suggested it to Isaac, and he had a couple of minutes to mull it over while we were driving there. (During which time we saw a rather large raccoon cross the street right in front of us, which was surprising as it was broad daylight -- Ruthie spotted it first and it made quite an impression on her; she talked about it for the rest of the night. Isaac didn't see it until it was on the opposite sidewalk, so after Ruthie said three or four times "That's the first time I ever saw a raccoon!", Isaac was moved to reply, "That's the first time I ever saw a raccoon's butt!" which occasioned much hilarity (theirs) and rolling of eyes (mine). What IS it with kids and bathroom humor??)
Well, anyway, he decided that he was game, after I assured him that he could do it, and reminded him that he has done and/or observed all of the steps many times. He knows where the milk is in CVS and how to select the right kind. He knows how to find the registers and get in line and wait his turn. He knows how to give the item to the cashier, wait for her to scan it, give her the money and wait for his change and say "thank you." Broken down into steps like that, he can do the whole thing, no problem. Putting it this way definitely seemed to make him feel more confident. And of course, I reminded him, if anything at all went wrong, he could just come back outside and get me.
So I gave him the money and off he went. And I sat in the car fretting. What if he freaks out? What if someone else sees him and freaks out? Should I have rehearsed with him what to say if anyone said "where's your mom"? What if he cut in front of someone on line? What if he decided to buy candy with some of the extra money? ;)
Of course, it all went fine. In a couple of minutes he came back out again with the milk, the change, and a big grin. He was so proud! I was so proud! It was great. :)
Mind you, we go to that CVS quite often, and the staff mostly know us. They are mostly older women, who can seem crotchety/cranky, but they're all bark and no bite. ;) Isaac said that the cashier who did his transaction said something like, "so your mom trusted you eh?" :)
Maybe it's a kind of silly thing, but it feels like a big milestone. Maybe because it's a my-baby-going-out-into-the-world milestone; not like his first step or first lost tooth or whatever, which could happen in the comfort and safety of the home; not like ordering in a restaurant with me right there; but a true taste of independence, moving through society without me as a buffer. Wow!
One of the stories I've heard many times from my mom along these lines is about the first time she sent her son, my brother, into the men's bathroom in a public place by himself. As the story goes, he was gone a long time and she panicked and asked a passing man to check on him. It turned out that my brother was happily playing with the sinks and paper towels, washing his hands, splashing around, etc. -- it hadn't occurred to my mom to say "and then come right back out again as soon as you're done!" It's funny/interesting to me that this was apparently such a big-deal milestone for my mom/brother, but for me and Isaac that particular thing has been a non-event. I send him into public bathrooms fairly often and he does fine. He just does his thing and comes back out again. Of course, he's a very different kid from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
metafrantic, and I'm a different mom, but it's just interesting to think about.
Anyway! So that's the story of Isaac's latest adventure into independence. I definitely foresee us doing more and more of that kind of thing as time goes on. Isaac is by nature a cautious kid, and though he really enjoys the feelings of pride and self-confidence that these ventures give him, he isn't inclined to get reckless about it. So I feel good that between the two of us we can navigate the edges of our mutual comfort zone and it'll be fine.
(On the other hand, it's a very different picture with the other kid. Oy, I have ulcers just thinking about it. She's not going to be allowed into a public bathroom by herself until she's 30. ;) )
In general, Isaac and I have been slowly increasing his independence lately. I believe strongly in the Free-Range Kids concept, which basically says that it's good, even necessary, to give kids some freedoms and opportunities for independent action. (Lenore Skenazy wrote the book on Free-Range Kids which I personally think should be required reading for all new parents.) Isaac can order his own food in a restaurant, he can cross the street, he goes into the men's restroom in public with no trouble, and he has even performed the mechanics of transactions -- giving the item to the cashier, then giving the money and receiving change -- with me there. But thus far we hadn't done anything that really involved me being entirely absent. The closest we have come is a few times at the crowded grocery store when I sent him to get an item from the next aisle over or similar. This works because I know the store well enough to describe to him where the item is, and he knows the item well enough to recognize it when he sees it; and of course, I stay where I am and watch for him to come back. He really likes those little excursions; they make him feel useful and mature, which of course is the whole point of free-ranging.
The idea of an actual physical separation came up a couple of months ago when Isaac was home sick one day and sleeping soundly, and Ruthie was at preschool, and we needed orange juice, and it occurred to me that I could probably walk to CVS (about a 5-minute walk from our house) and back while he was sleeping. It wasn't actually under serious consideration for that particular instance; I would never do it that way for his first time left home alone; he would certainly freak out if he woke up and found me gone, and as for waking him up to tell him I was going, well, that would defeat the whole purpose. (Not to mention it would equally freak him out, because he is definitely a kid who needs to take some time to mull over a new idea like that before he can be comfortable with it.) So I wasn't really thinking of doing it on that occasion, but the point was that it got me thinking along those lines. Later, I talked to him about it, and he agreed that if he were e.g. watching TV or playing Wii, it would be fine for me to go to CVS and back (taking Ruthie along -- or doing it when Ruthie is elsewhere, although that never really happens). He actually was fairly interested in trying it, and I said that maybe we would when the next opportunity presented itself. But thus far it hasn't.
So, fast-forward to yesterday, when we were in the car heading home from afterschool and I realized that we needed milk. I was tired and cranky and not in the mood to haul both kids into CVS, which always becomes a big production, what with the running away from me and the whining for junk food and so forth. I thought wistfully to myself how nice it would be if I could just leave them in the car while I ran into the store. (While I think they would probably be fine in such a scenario, I wouldn't do it at this point, if only for fear of getting in trouble if someone reported it or if a police officer noticed. :P )
Then it occurred to me that Isaac could go in and buy the milk, and I could stay in the car with Ruthie! Which made more sense given that Ruthie is the main troublemaker anyway ;) and getting her into/out of the carseat is half the trouble. She just manages to make the whole thing into such a big deal. *eyeroll*
So I suggested it to Isaac, and he had a couple of minutes to mull it over while we were driving there. (During which time we saw a rather large raccoon cross the street right in front of us, which was surprising as it was broad daylight -- Ruthie spotted it first and it made quite an impression on her; she talked about it for the rest of the night. Isaac didn't see it until it was on the opposite sidewalk, so after Ruthie said three or four times "That's the first time I ever saw a raccoon!", Isaac was moved to reply, "That's the first time I ever saw a raccoon's butt!" which occasioned much hilarity (theirs) and rolling of eyes (mine). What IS it with kids and bathroom humor??)
Well, anyway, he decided that he was game, after I assured him that he could do it, and reminded him that he has done and/or observed all of the steps many times. He knows where the milk is in CVS and how to select the right kind. He knows how to find the registers and get in line and wait his turn. He knows how to give the item to the cashier, wait for her to scan it, give her the money and wait for his change and say "thank you." Broken down into steps like that, he can do the whole thing, no problem. Putting it this way definitely seemed to make him feel more confident. And of course, I reminded him, if anything at all went wrong, he could just come back outside and get me.
So I gave him the money and off he went. And I sat in the car fretting. What if he freaks out? What if someone else sees him and freaks out? Should I have rehearsed with him what to say if anyone said "where's your mom"? What if he cut in front of someone on line? What if he decided to buy candy with some of the extra money? ;)
Of course, it all went fine. In a couple of minutes he came back out again with the milk, the change, and a big grin. He was so proud! I was so proud! It was great. :)
Mind you, we go to that CVS quite often, and the staff mostly know us. They are mostly older women, who can seem crotchety/cranky, but they're all bark and no bite. ;) Isaac said that the cashier who did his transaction said something like, "so your mom trusted you eh?" :)
Maybe it's a kind of silly thing, but it feels like a big milestone. Maybe because it's a my-baby-going-out-into-the-world milestone; not like his first step or first lost tooth or whatever, which could happen in the comfort and safety of the home; not like ordering in a restaurant with me right there; but a true taste of independence, moving through society without me as a buffer. Wow!
One of the stories I've heard many times from my mom along these lines is about the first time she sent her son, my brother, into the men's bathroom in a public place by himself. As the story goes, he was gone a long time and she panicked and asked a passing man to check on him. It turned out that my brother was happily playing with the sinks and paper towels, washing his hands, splashing around, etc. -- it hadn't occurred to my mom to say "and then come right back out again as soon as you're done!" It's funny/interesting to me that this was apparently such a big-deal milestone for my mom/brother, but for me and Isaac that particular thing has been a non-event. I send him into public bathrooms fairly often and he does fine. He just does his thing and comes back out again. Of course, he's a very different kid from
metafrantic, and I'm a different mom, but it's just interesting to think about.Anyway! So that's the story of Isaac's latest adventure into independence. I definitely foresee us doing more and more of that kind of thing as time goes on. Isaac is by nature a cautious kid, and though he really enjoys the feelings of pride and self-confidence that these ventures give him, he isn't inclined to get reckless about it. So I feel good that between the two of us we can navigate the edges of our mutual comfort zone and it'll be fine.
(On the other hand, it's a very different picture with the other kid. Oy, I have ulcers just thinking about it. She's not going to be allowed into a public bathroom by herself until she's 30. ;) )
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