Me, myself, and I

[mamajoan]

Mom is always telling me that I should on at least a semi-regular basis get a babysitter and go out and do something by/for myself. See a movie, get a massage, meet a friend for dinner, etc. And I know she is right. My stress levels go up and some time to myself away from kids would be a great idea. Generally, on weekends, mom will watch them for a couple of hours; but I usually use that time to do the grocery shopping, so it doesn't really count. I do sing in chorus, which means rehearsals once a week, and I often say that's the one thing I do that's entirely for me -- and in addition to the music itself, part of the benefit of chorus to me is the opportunity to socialize with other adults in a non-work setting. But chorus rehearsals don't of course count as time "to myself," or at least not "by myself."

What stops me from getting a babysitter to go and have time "by myself for myself"? Well guilt, of course. It's a little hard to explain. I'm not talking about a "I'm a bad mom for leaving the kids with a sitter" type of guilt. It's more that I already get so precious little time with them, I feel weird about giving away any of that time. If I don't put them to sleep, then I come home and they're already asleep and in the morning I just get them up and take them to school -- then by that next evening, I feel like I haven't really spent time with them in ages.

On the other hand, sometimes I have breakdowns and then it starts to become clear that I DO need to take some time to myself, at least once in a while...I had a miniature version of such a breakdown last night, which is what got me thinking about all this again.

But I've been checking my calendars -- I have three calendars taped up in my office at work: the public-school calendar, Ruthie's preschool's schedule of holiday closings, and my employer's list of holiday closings. And I see that the stars are coming into alignment on November 11th, Veteran's Day. This is one of those very rare confluences of calendars that I love to see: my office is closed, the public schools are closed, but Ruthie's preschool is open. Isaac goes to the afterschool program at Ruthie's preschool, and on days when the public schools are closed, the afterschool runs a full-day program -- except when it is closed too.

So on November 11th, Ruthie will go to preschool as usual, Isaac will go to afterschool for the whole day, and I'll have the whole day to myself. woohoo!

This is especially good timing because my mom will be in Africa that week. She's going to Botswana with a friend for two weeks. So it'll be a period of time when I'm even more in need of ways to carve out me-time than usual.

So um...is it November 11th yet?? ;)

Comments

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

Wow, I can absolutely 100% understand this mindset and I'm not even a single parent (which I expect makes it about 100-fold harder)

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

I think I am at the point of being ready to stab the next person who says that I need to "take time for myself once a week" or whatever, because unless they are volunteering to watch my daughter or pay for a babysitter, it ain't happening.

I do get a built-in break once a month though, when she goes to visit her dad, and I know I get testier with her in the week or so leading up to that, as the previous month of no alone/adult-time begins to wear on my nerves. My job flexibility gives me a lot more time with Emi than I'd have in a traditional job, and I still feel guilty about how much I need a break sometimes from being "mommy on the spot" all the time.