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mamajoanLong ago, before I had that falling out with a former friend, there were a couple of incidents that look in retrospect like signs that our friendship wasn't going so well. At the time I just tried to shrug them off as carelessness, selfishness, forgetfulness, etc.
One of them involved apple-picking. It was early autumn and I kind of missed the apple-picking expeditions we used to do at college. So I mentioned to a few friends, "hey, we should go apple-picking some time." This particular friend seemed to say "ehh, yeah, I guess." I got the impression that she wasn't into the idea, so I figured I'd arrange it with other friends instead.
But then the very next weekend, she and her bf came into our shared apartment all cheery and "Hey, we went apple-picking, here's a bagful of apples if you want 'em."
I was really hurt by that. I never said anything to her, and in retrospect maybe I should have, but I didn't. I made excuses for her in my head, like maybe she just forgot that I had mentioned it and thought she'd had the idea on her own, or maybe they wanted some alone-time just the two of them (although that wouldn't explain the rubbing it in my face).
But now it seems that apple-picking, formerly one of my favorite fall activities, has been irrevocably tainted by that. Because last fall, and again now, I've seen the bags of apples in the supermarket and thought to myself, "hey, I should get some folks together and go picking," and then I find myself sort of shying away from the idea. It makes me sad and angry to think that I can't even enjoy something I used to enjoy, because of a former so-called friend that I haven't even spoken to in over three years. (Edited to add: And now by some weird associative property, every time I hear any other friend mention that they went/are going/want to go apple-picking, I get all hurt, like they should have invited me, which is silly because how were they supposed to know that I wanted to go?)
So. Maybe sometime this year I'll actually go, just to try to wash that unpleasant association out of my brain, and to see whether I can still enjoy it. Of course, then I end up with lots of apples that I don't know what to do with. ;) I wonder if there are any apple dishes in my collection of as-yet-untried vegetarian recipes.
What is it about autumn that makes me all introspective and melancholy?
One of them involved apple-picking. It was early autumn and I kind of missed the apple-picking expeditions we used to do at college. So I mentioned to a few friends, "hey, we should go apple-picking some time." This particular friend seemed to say "ehh, yeah, I guess." I got the impression that she wasn't into the idea, so I figured I'd arrange it with other friends instead.
But then the very next weekend, she and her bf came into our shared apartment all cheery and "Hey, we went apple-picking, here's a bagful of apples if you want 'em."
I was really hurt by that. I never said anything to her, and in retrospect maybe I should have, but I didn't. I made excuses for her in my head, like maybe she just forgot that I had mentioned it and thought she'd had the idea on her own, or maybe they wanted some alone-time just the two of them (although that wouldn't explain the rubbing it in my face).
But now it seems that apple-picking, formerly one of my favorite fall activities, has been irrevocably tainted by that. Because last fall, and again now, I've seen the bags of apples in the supermarket and thought to myself, "hey, I should get some folks together and go picking," and then I find myself sort of shying away from the idea. It makes me sad and angry to think that I can't even enjoy something I used to enjoy, because of a former so-called friend that I haven't even spoken to in over three years. (Edited to add: And now by some weird associative property, every time I hear any other friend mention that they went/are going/want to go apple-picking, I get all hurt, like they should have invited me, which is silly because how were they supposed to know that I wanted to go?)
So. Maybe sometime this year I'll actually go, just to try to wash that unpleasant association out of my brain, and to see whether I can still enjoy it. Of course, then I end up with lots of apples that I don't know what to do with. ;) I wonder if there are any apple dishes in my collection of as-yet-untried vegetarian recipes.
What is it about autumn that makes me all introspective and melancholy?
