deadbeat friends

[mamajoan]

I think we all have that one friend -- you know, the one who never returns your calls. You leave him messages (in my case it's a he), you email him; he never calls/emails back. You might even talk to him, as I did last week, and he says he's in the middle of something and will call you back in a day or two ... but he never does. In this case it was especially annoying because I knew that he was going away in a few days, and he knew that *I* am going away in a few days, and he knew that I really wanted to talk to him about this one thing before we both went away. So he swore he'd call back, and of course he didn't.

And partly it's just petty and demanding of me to want him to call back, because I'm sure he was awfully busy getting ready for his ten-day vacation, and all. If not for the fact that he *always* does this not-calling-back thing, I would be more inclined to cut him some slack in this instance.

But anyway, the point I was getting to was: what do you do? Do you just suck it up and keep calling him back? Do you bitch him out about it? Or do you, as I'm now inclined to do, just declare that you shall not call him again, and if he wants to talk to you he'll call eventually? This isn't one of those rhetorical "what do you do"s. I'm actually curious to know what the rest of y'all do about your not-calling-back friends.

In other news, only sixteen hours till my plane leaves for Worldcon! Woo! I've got a lengthy list of things to do (actually two lists because I left one at work overnight so I had to start a new one at home), but most of it is things I have to remember to pack, so that's not too difficult.

I still haven't decided whether to bring my digital camera. Oh, but that reminds me, I did download all the pix off it. I posted new pix of my mom's kitties here. They're so cute! It's just a bare-bones page because I was too rushed to make thumbnails. I took some of Bini and of Fenway Park too, but I haven't uploaded those yet.

I also finished the transcript of Buffy "Seeing Red" and sent it off to Psyche. Yay! Now if you look at the TiVo listing, it looks like I only have two more episodes to transcribe, although really one of them is the two-hour season finale, so it's actually three episodes, but still, progress.

Work?? Oh yeah, I actually have work too! Unbelievable.

p.s. tiggrrl, I got your comment about plans. I have your number, and you have my cell-phone number, right? So we'll get in touch. If possible, I'll call you at work when I get checked in to the hotel.

Comments

[azurelunatic]

I see him at school. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with him once he's released into the rest of the world.

I stop calling.

[jrosehale.livejournal.com]

I just stop calling. It does get frustrating, especially if you really want to talk to that person, but I end up feeling like I want to know that that person actually wants to talk to me.

On the other hand, if you think it's because they're really stressed out or having personal problems, it's probably worth being more up-front about it. Say something like, "I get the impression that you're preoccupied--if there's anything I can do, let me know. If not, I'll just let you deal with whatever you're dealing with."

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

I usually harass them until I get fed up, and then ignore them until they contact me, accepting that doing so may mean I see them less than I would like. But then, I know I can sometimes be like that too, so I try to be understanding (except with the couple who are just always deadbeats).

[lasayla.livejournal.com]

I am that friend.

*hangs head*

Presumably I have redeeming features, since people continue to tolerate my laziness and chronic absent mindedness.

[azurelunatic]

Because you're Essy, and you're cool like that?

Dunno. I think it would be worth getting to know you in person, but for that inconvenient trivia that they call geographical convenience.

[lasayla.livejournal.com]

Damn that pesky Atlantic Ocean!

Unless you're going to the next Connexions?

*hopeful look*

[azurelunatic]

Unfortunately not. Cons and I don't seem to happen in the same universe.

[simplelyric.livejournal.com]

I have theoretically decided to leave any attempts at contact up to my not-calling-back friend, but we were very close friends for quite some time. So I would not be surprised with myself were I to eventually cave and do the contacting again, just because I couldn't stand completely letting go of the friendship. ::shrug:: It's a distinctly frustrating and unfair situation.

I've had those friends...

[pnsm.livejournal.com]

...note use of past tense. I used to spend time with this couple who threw fun parties and were quite interesting to talk to, but I eventually got tired of the fact that if I didn't call, we didn't hang out. I stopped calling, they kept partying their brains out (they're, shall we say, "high-functioning"), and I haven't seen them for a few years. More to the point, I haven't minded.

Obviously, how long it takes you to make that decision depends on what else you're getting out of the friendship; there's going to be a big difference between the kindred spirit with no memory who lives far away and the drinking buddy who doesn't change while you do.