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Here's a post that has been brewing for a long, long time. You'll get a good idea of just how long I've been fermenting this, when you see how long the post is! This may very well be the longest LJ post I've ever written, too. Yow.
Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how I react when people say things like "I don't know how you do it" or "I could never do what you do" etc., in relation to being a single mom. You'd be amazed how often I hear that -- and it irritates the crap out of me. Even worse is how I react when I hear a married/partnered woman say "I'm a single mom this weekend" or "I'm doing the single-mom thing" or similar, when her spouse is on a business trip or similar. This kind of thing makes me crazy. I grind my teeth / bite my tongue like you wouldn't believe.
But looking at it objectively -- or as close to that as I can manage -- I do realize that it's unfair. People who say things like "I don't know how you do it" are expressing admiration; it's a compliment, with nothing but good intentions behind it. Mostly they are probably trying to picture their own lives with one spouse subtracted, and they can't envision it at all. I get that (well, sort of ;) ).
So why does it bother me so intensely to hear those comments? This is something I've been pondering at length for a while now. The other night we had an incident that clarified some things for me.
( The Mouse in the House, or, What's Eating Mama Joan? )
Whew. I can't believe I wrote that whole thing. I can't believe you READ that whole thing! ;) But thanks, if you did. And the sad part is, I'm sure there's some stuff that I left out. I'm definitely not being as eloquent (or even coherent) as I wish I were on this topic. ah well.
Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how I react when people say things like "I don't know how you do it" or "I could never do what you do" etc., in relation to being a single mom. You'd be amazed how often I hear that -- and it irritates the crap out of me. Even worse is how I react when I hear a married/partnered woman say "I'm a single mom this weekend" or "I'm doing the single-mom thing" or similar, when her spouse is on a business trip or similar. This kind of thing makes me crazy. I grind my teeth / bite my tongue like you wouldn't believe.
But looking at it objectively -- or as close to that as I can manage -- I do realize that it's unfair. People who say things like "I don't know how you do it" are expressing admiration; it's a compliment, with nothing but good intentions behind it. Mostly they are probably trying to picture their own lives with one spouse subtracted, and they can't envision it at all. I get that (well, sort of ;) ).
So why does it bother me so intensely to hear those comments? This is something I've been pondering at length for a while now. The other night we had an incident that clarified some things for me.
( The Mouse in the House, or, What's Eating Mama Joan? )
Whew. I can't believe I wrote that whole thing. I can't believe you READ that whole thing! ;) But thanks, if you did. And the sad part is, I'm sure there's some stuff that I left out. I'm definitely not being as eloquent (or even coherent) as I wish I were on this topic. ah well.
