Feb. 20th, 2002

mamajoan: me in hammock (Default)
He really ran us ragged tonight, not a typical first rehearsal. Usually he lets out early on the first day -- tonight, went twenty minutes late! Went through both the tough choruses I mentioned in my last post, plus bits of the "Misa Tango." Ow. I may try not to talk much tomorrow. Broke down and went out for dinner afterward. Note to self: later, a journal entry on joining my mom's social circle.

As he so often does, William (conductor of the choir) made a little speech about the meaning of the pieces we're performing and about how, even if you don't believe in it, you need to be an actor and sing it as if you did believe it, in order to give the music power and help it touch the audience (although that last part is my own editorialization, and I don't know if William actually thinks about it that way).

Thing is, the main reason he has to make that particular speech every time around is my mom. She has serious issues with the religious tone of the music we usually do. There's always this sort of struggle twixt her and William, trying to find pieces of music that are interesting enough, challenging enough, accessible enough for our choir to handle, AND that don't totally push my mom's religious buttons. I think that, in some ways, she's more intolerant when it comes to religion than even the majority of non-religious people. This is why sometimes I say that she's not just atheist, she's anti-theist.

But see, it's very difficult, nearly impossible, to find a piece of classical choral music that isn't religious in nature. Hell, it's hard enough to find stuff that isn't specifically Christian -- there is some Jewish stuff in the repertoire, but it's rare. The vast majority of the classical choral repertoire is masses, requiems, Passions, Magnificats, and the like -- works whose text is Biblical or otherwise taken from the liturgy.

Me, I don't have any problem with the music. When I sing masses, I don't have to pretend -- on some level, for the duration of the singing, I do believe. I guess the difference between me and my mom here is that I do acknowledge some sort of spirituality, although nowadays I don't care to give it a name or a face. But since I basically believe that the deities worshipped by all religions of Earth are all versions of the same higher power or force, I don't have a problem with it. Even credo in unum deum, patrem omnipotentem, factorem coeli et terrae doesn't bother me. Sure, call it a pater if that makes you feel better, you know?

Because the music, to me, is the purest expression of that spiritual sentiment, that holy love -- it's through the music that the true connection with your deity of choice is expressed, with all the baggage and connotations of millennia stripped away, all the ugliness and adulteration and corruption that have been injected into it by unenlightened abusers of power. I just get lost in the music, and to me it is holy, even when on the surface it doesn't address or mention a deity that I personally believe in.

What passion cannot music raise or quell? --John Dryden
mamajoan: me in hammock (Default)
I quoted from this in my last post, and was inspired to post the whole thing. We sang a version of this, set to music, when I was in college -- I have got to find out who composed that and get me a recording of it. This is great stuff, says everything I was trying to say in my last post, but better.

St. Cecilia, by the way, is the patron saint of music.

Song for St. Cecilia's Day
by John Dryden, 1687

From Harmony, from heavenly Harmony
This universal frame began:
When Nature underneath a heap
Of jarring atoms lay
And could not heave her head,
The tuneful voice was heard from high,
'Arise, ye more than dead!'

Then cold and hot, and moist and dry,
In order to their stations leap.
And Music's power obey.
From harmony, from heavenly harmony
This universal frame began:
From harmony to harmony
Through all the compass of the notes it ran,
The diapason closing full in Man.

What passion cannot Music raise and quell?
When Jubal struck the chorded shell
His listening brethren stood around,
And, wondering, on their faces fell
To worship that celestial sound.
Less than a god they thought there could not dwell
Within the hollow of that shell
That spoke so sweetly and so well.
What passion cannot Music raise and quell?

The trumpet's loud clangor
Excites us to arms,
With shrill notes of anger
And mortal alarms.
The double double double beat
Of the thundering drum
Cries, "Hark! the foes come;
Charge, charge, 'tis too late to retreat!"

The soft complaining flute
In dying notes discovers
The woes of hopeless lovers,
Whose dirge is whisper'd by the warbling lute.

Sharp violins proclaim
Their jealous pangs and desperation,
Fury, frantic indignation,
Depth of pains, and height of passion
For the fair disdainful dame.

But oh! what art can teach,
What human voice can reach
The sacred organ's praise?
Notes inspiring holy love,
Notes that wing their heavenly ways
To mend the choirs above.

Orpheus could lead the savage race,
And trees unrooted left their place
Sequacious of the lyre:
But bright Cecilia raised the wonder higher:
When to her Organ vocal breath was given
An Angel heard, and straight appear'd--
Mistaking earth for heaven.

As from the power of sacred lays
The spheres began to move,
And sung the great Creator's praise
To all the blest above;
So when the last and dreadful hour
This crumbling pageant shall devour,
The trumpet shall be heard on high,
The dead shall live, the living die,
And Music shall untune the sky.

dreams

Feb. 20th, 2002 11:02 am
mamajoan: me in hammock (Default)
I hate it when I know I dreamt something but I can't remember it. It's on the tip of my metaphorical tongue. At some point last night, I remember half-waking and thinking, "no wait, must not wake yet, gotta find out how (he?) reacts to what I just said," but that's all. Argh.

Night before last, I dreamt that I was in a pet store, but a funky little mom-n-pop one, not a plasticy bright lame PetCo type place. I was wandering around randomly, and kept overhearing this middle-aged woman who was walking around with a man and telling him about how she had just broken up with her partner. Then I came around a corner and found myself face-to-face with her, and I said, jokingly, "Tsk, how dare you break up with your partner!" and she said, "well, she's been very ill," and I said, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize." Then I wandered off, and decided to buy a new catnip toy for Bini (in RL, his is getting quite tattered, although he still enjoys playing with it) so I wandered around trying to find the catnip toys, but I never did. I did find a room with a big table in the middle piled with used books, and more used books on the shelves along the walls, and I thought, "oh, maybe they have a good cookbook." So I went browsing. There was also a little girl in the room, goofing off, but in a quiet non-annoying way. And that's all I remember of that dream.
mamajoan: me in hammock (Default)

I am the nature-loving Jesus. There seems to be nothing that will stop me from protecting the earth and my furry friends. I may also have a hidden passion for sweater knitting.


Take the What Jesus Would You Be? Quiz

blah, blah

Feb. 20th, 2002 03:15 pm
mamajoan: me in hammock (smiling little me)
So very bored. It's not that I don't have any work to do, it's just that, you know, I don't want to do any of it.

I wish I had something profound to say. Instead, though, I have some stuff to say about being part of my mom's social circle.

My mom and I joined/co-founded this choir together a zillion years ago. But then I went away to college, and while I was there, the chorus built up from like five people to more like a hundred, and my mom was president, and she made a bunch of friends there, many of whom are now officers of various sorts in the choir hierarchy.

Then I came back from college and re-joined, and at that point I felt like a kid among grownups, but that was cool, because I enjoyed the music and the cameraderie. And I basically thought of myself as still a kid anyway.

But at some point in the last few years, I started noticing that the rest of them -- who range in age from probably mid-30s to my mom's age (pushing 60) -- didn't treat me like a kid. It wasn't like when I was in elementary or high school and would hang out with my mom and her friends and they treated me like a kid (because I *was* a kid). It was more like, you know, being a grownup and having grownup friends, only they were also my mom's friends, and ostensibly closer in age and "life" to her than to me.

It took me a while to figure out that I could legitimately call them *my* friends as well. And took me quite a while to get comfortable with the notion of going out to dinner after rehearsal even on nights when my mom didn't come along. Like, for a long time I felt like I was there on sufference, permitted to come along as my mom's adjunct. Finally, I started feeling like I was welcome at the dinners on my own merits.

All this is coming out because last night, after rehearsal, I went out to dinner with a bunch of them (and not my mom) and it was fun ... and then. At one point I turned from a conversation on my left to tune into the one on my right. And tuned in just in time to hear one guy saying, "But wouldn't you agree that there are people you'd have sex with who you wouldn't be willing to have *oral* sex with?"

So I had to chime in and say that, no, I didn't think that was true. The other women at the table, whom he had been asking, were pretty much agreeing with me. The mouth, he wanted to point out, contains more bacteria than any other part of the body. Yeah, so?

I can't adequately express how surreal it was to have that conversation with people I still largely think of as my mom's friends. Not so much the fact of the conversation, but the fact that I joined into it and no one went, "hey, who asked you" or "oops, there's a kid at the table, we better zip it."

Still, I've always been more comfortable hanging out with people older than me (even if only by a year or two). I guess that's a topic for another day, though. So I guess I have all these chorus-related friends now, and that's cool. They are some fun and cool people, too. It's heartening. I don't have to turn boring as soon as I hit 40 after all! ;)

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