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why people are jerks
Jan. 23rd, 2002 06:00 pmToday's musing/rant: Why some people are so threatened by the suggestion that a fictional character might be gay.
Why this is an issue for me at the moment: I made an offhand comment on a list for discussion of a particular author's work. I said that I had always assumed a particular pair of minor characters were a gay couple. Several people on the list said things like, "I suppose you could see it that way but I disagree." That's fine. But then several other people shrieked, "What?! You're insane, not to mention disgusting and evil! They are not gay! How dare you!" And things along those lines.
So then I decided to shut up, but then another discussion arose, and someone suggested that a *major* character in the books might be gay, and more people shrieked in horror, so I accused the entire list of being full of homophobes, and that started a bit of a debate. I don't think I'd go so far as to call it a flamewar ... yet. But it's pretty much divided between a) the people saying I'm right, there is homophobia on the list and it sucks, b) the people saying 'no no, you misunderstood, some of my best friends are gay!' and c) the people saying 'let's drop it so we can all get along and be pals again! Snif! I hate conflict!'
Grump.
Anyway, that's the summary of what brought me to this particular pondering. What I'm really trying to figure out is whether I can reconcile open-mindedness with this kind of reaction. In other words, if someone really violently opposes even the speculation that a character is gay, does it necessarily mean that person is homophobic? I'm just not sure. Even if the reader really strongly identifies with the character, and therefore perceives the suggestion of character gayness as a suggestion of his/her own gayness ... well, that doesn't have to be an insult, does it? I like to think that if one is really secure in one's identity, having someone suggest one is gay shouldn't cause that violent of a reaction. One would just shrug and say, "nope, I'm straight."
But then, maybe that's overly optimistic on my part. I know there are a lot of people who *would* perceive it as a serious insult for anyone to suggest that they were gay. But this attitude necessarily springs from homophobia, doesn't it? Or at least, from sex-phobia, a lack of comfort with their own sexuality. Circular reasoning on my part here, oops.
The other problem, I guess, is that my worldview doesn't allow for a middle ground. You're either homophobic or queer-positive. You can't be, like, on the fence / undecided / ambivalent. I guess that's not realistic on my part. Maybe for some people, thinking about whether a character they identify with is gay could be a way to help them clarify their opinions on gayness in general. (Which of course would argue in favor of people like me continuing to make that suggestion whenever possible. ;-) )
Anyway, I guess I'm not really resolving anything here, just sort of trying to figure out where I stand. Apparently when it comes to homophobia, I'm fairly intolerant -- I don't have a lot of patience for dissecting the underlying motivations. I basically see homophobia as a reaction to one's own discomfort with sexuality in general, and (especially for men) discomfort with the power dynamics inherent in human interaction. And I don't have a lot of patience or sympathy for people who impose their own personal baggage on an entire group of people like that. I really have difficulty wrapping my head around this concept.
Not that it's a bad thing to be intolerant of homophobes. Heh.
Why this is an issue for me at the moment: I made an offhand comment on a list for discussion of a particular author's work. I said that I had always assumed a particular pair of minor characters were a gay couple. Several people on the list said things like, "I suppose you could see it that way but I disagree." That's fine. But then several other people shrieked, "What?! You're insane, not to mention disgusting and evil! They are not gay! How dare you!" And things along those lines.
So then I decided to shut up, but then another discussion arose, and someone suggested that a *major* character in the books might be gay, and more people shrieked in horror, so I accused the entire list of being full of homophobes, and that started a bit of a debate. I don't think I'd go so far as to call it a flamewar ... yet. But it's pretty much divided between a) the people saying I'm right, there is homophobia on the list and it sucks, b) the people saying 'no no, you misunderstood, some of my best friends are gay!' and c) the people saying 'let's drop it so we can all get along and be pals again! Snif! I hate conflict!'
Grump.
Anyway, that's the summary of what brought me to this particular pondering. What I'm really trying to figure out is whether I can reconcile open-mindedness with this kind of reaction. In other words, if someone really violently opposes even the speculation that a character is gay, does it necessarily mean that person is homophobic? I'm just not sure. Even if the reader really strongly identifies with the character, and therefore perceives the suggestion of character gayness as a suggestion of his/her own gayness ... well, that doesn't have to be an insult, does it? I like to think that if one is really secure in one's identity, having someone suggest one is gay shouldn't cause that violent of a reaction. One would just shrug and say, "nope, I'm straight."
But then, maybe that's overly optimistic on my part. I know there are a lot of people who *would* perceive it as a serious insult for anyone to suggest that they were gay. But this attitude necessarily springs from homophobia, doesn't it? Or at least, from sex-phobia, a lack of comfort with their own sexuality. Circular reasoning on my part here, oops.
The other problem, I guess, is that my worldview doesn't allow for a middle ground. You're either homophobic or queer-positive. You can't be, like, on the fence / undecided / ambivalent. I guess that's not realistic on my part. Maybe for some people, thinking about whether a character they identify with is gay could be a way to help them clarify their opinions on gayness in general. (Which of course would argue in favor of people like me continuing to make that suggestion whenever possible. ;-) )
Anyway, I guess I'm not really resolving anything here, just sort of trying to figure out where I stand. Apparently when it comes to homophobia, I'm fairly intolerant -- I don't have a lot of patience for dissecting the underlying motivations. I basically see homophobia as a reaction to one's own discomfort with sexuality in general, and (especially for men) discomfort with the power dynamics inherent in human interaction. And I don't have a lot of patience or sympathy for people who impose their own personal baggage on an entire group of people like that. I really have difficulty wrapping my head around this concept.
Not that it's a bad thing to be intolerant of homophobes. Heh.
